


Tumblr Prompts

by lipsstainedbloodred



Series: Tumblr Prompts and Headcanons [2]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Archived From Tumblr, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Tumblr Prompts, additional warnings and tags in author's notes, archived from cigarettesmokeandexyracquets blog, originally from tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-21 10:35:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 50
Words: 31,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17042117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lipsstainedbloodred/pseuds/lipsstainedbloodred
Summary: A collection of various prompts from my tumblr (cigarettesmokeandexyracquets). Tags, warnings, ratings, and other details will be in the author's notes in each chapter.





	1. Table of Contents

**Author's Note:**

> This page will be used as a table of contents

**Angst**

Page 1: "There is a difference between being brave and being stupid" (Andreil)

Page 2: "You can't die. Please don't die." (Andreil)

Page 3: "Don't Ask Me That" (Andreil) 

Page 4: Andreil Fight + "Stop it" (Andreil)

Page 5: [text] when i kiss him i can only think of you (Andreil)

Page 6: "What did you say?" (Andreil)

Page 7: "Don't make me beg." (Andreil)

Page 8: “Your ~~mom~~ dad called, said ~~s~~ he hasn’t seen you sober for three days.” (Kandreil)

Page 9: [text] you left your facebook open on my computer and your ex messaged you (Kandreil)

Page 10: "And slowly...I was forgotten." (Neil-centric)

Page 11: And The Illusion Shatters (Kevin, +Andreil)

Page 12: What if Neil didn’t go with the monsters to pick up Andrew from Easthaven (Andreil)

Page 13: [text] Come over. You left your underwear here (Muldayni)

Page 14: "My mom asked where you are.. I may have not told her we broke up." (MattNeil)

Page 15:  [text] oh, right. i probably wasn’t good enough anyway. (Jerejean)

Page 16: [text] i keep dreaming of you and i hate you but god i don’t want to leave you (Jerejean)

 

**Fluff/General**

Page 17: “Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they’d lock us up?” (Andreil)

Page 18: “Don’t apologize. that’s not the point. did you mean it?” (Andreil)

Page 19: Does Neil love Andrew? (Andreil)

Page 20: Andreil’s last night before Neil leaves for his last year at PSU (Andreil)

Page 21: Andreil + discussion about afterlife (Andreil)

Page 22: Andrew realizing Neil is his (Andreil) 

Page 23: [text] you’re dead to me (Andreil)

Page 24: "You're just...so, so stupid." (Andreil)

Page 25: “I don’t care that it’s 2 am we need pie” (Andreil)

Page 26: Sick!Andrew (Andreil)

Page 27: Canon divergent ficlet + Neil being raised with Renee (Andreil)

Page 28: Andreil + things you said at the kitchen table (Andreil)

Page 29: "Electricity" (Andreil)

Page 30: "Rome" (Andreil) 

Page 31: "Violin" (Andreil)

Page 32: “I’ve seen the way you look at me when you think I don’t notice” (Andreil)

Page 33: “Is there a reason you’re naked in my bed?” (Andreil)

Page 34: Andreil + adopting twins (Andreil)

Page 35: Neil using endearments on the cats but Andrew thinks it’s directed at him (Andreil)

Page 36:  [text] also, my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall. (Kandreil)

Page 37:  “You’re like, five feet tall. how you gonna reach me, shortie?” (Kandreil)

Page 38: Have you ever played spin the bottle? (The Foxes, +Andreil)

Page 39: heat goes out in fox tower (The Foxes, +Andreil)

Page 40: Here Kitty, Kitty (Brotp: Allison/Kevin)

Page 41: Neil and Matt go on a date (Brotp: Matt/Neil)

Page 42: What does it take to become a galaxy? (Neil-centric) 

Page 43: Kevin carrying Neil piggyback (Brotp: Kevineil)

Page 44: “Explain it to me again -  _why_  do we need to pretend to be married?” (Brotp: Nicky/Neil)

Page 45: Neil has an asthma attack on the bus back from a game (The Foxes, +Andreil)

Page 46: Things you said afer you kissed me (Renison)

Page 47: Things you said through your teeth (Kevineil)

Page 48: Some morning in the future (Jerejean)

Page 49: "Do you…well…i mean…i could give you a massage?” (Kandrew)

 


	2. Page 1: "There’s a difference between being brave and being stupid” (Andreil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "There’s a difference between being brave and being stupid”
> 
> Warnings: Andrew has a panic attack, violence happened off screen
> 
> Rating: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted July 5, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

Andrew is never letting Neil leave his sight ever again.

“I’m fine.”

Andrew’s right hand curls into a fist and shakes with the effort of not punching Neil in his stupid mouth. There’s so much blood on him already, too much of it. Neil’s eye is already swollen shut, tissues stuffed in both nostrils to stop the bleeding. “There’s a difference between being brave and being stupid.” Andrew hisses, uncurling his fist so he can pull gauze out of their first aid kit. 

His hands are shaking.

“Yeah, well,” Neil tries to help Andrew clean the blood away from his mouth but Andrew shoves his hands away, “I’m stupid, remember?”

Mugged. Neil got mugged on his morning run. The fastest runner Andrew has ever met in his life got mugged.

“I barely even got stabbed.” Neil says and Andrew claps a hand over Neil’s mouth. He can’t hear it anymore, he can’t. 

Neil could have been killed. Instead he walked away with a black eye, a bloody nose, a busted lip, and a shallow cut on his stomach. He could have been killed. He could have been killed. 

Neil’s hand wraps loosely around Andrew’s wrist and Andrew pulls his hand away from Neil’s mouth. “Andrew, you need to breathe.” Andrew hadn’t realized the sharp breaths he was taking, too quick to pull any real oxygen into his lungs. His vision is a little black around the edges.

Neil could have died today. 

Andrew wasn’t there to protect him.

“Andrew, breathe with me okay?” Neil says, placing Andrew’s hand on his ribcage. “Come on Andrew, inhale with me.” Andrew does, quick and shaky but seconds roll by and his breathing slows until he’s taking deep breaths with Neil. His hands are still shaking but the pressure built up in his chest is slowly unwinding.

Panic gives way to rage.

Andrew yanks his hand out of Neil’s grip and he viciously snarls, “Don’t touch me.” Neil’s hands fall back into his lap. 

There’s dried blood on Neil’s shirt, the smell makes Andrew sick. Andrew’s jaw clenches but he finishes cleaning the blood from Neil’s face and stomach, the cut shallow enough to not need stitches, so Andrew places a bandage over it and steps away from Neil.

“I’m sorry.” Neil says, “I should have been more careful.”

Neil was mugged. Neil could have been stabbed to death. Neil was  _apologizing_.

“Go change your clothes,” Andrew hisses, looking away from Neil, “And throw that shirt away. Unless you learned how to sew somewhere on the road.”

Neil opens his mouth to respond and thinks better of it. He leaves the bathroom and heads for their bedroom. He stops in the doorway to say, “It wasn’t your fault you weren’t there.”

Andrew grips the bathroom sink, white knuckled, and bows his head. He doesn’t leave until he’s buried his feelings under a layer of apathy so deep no one can dig them out. 


	3. Page 2: "You can't die. Please don't die." (Andreil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "You can't die. Please don't die."
> 
> Warnings: Neil is in a coma, implied character death at the end
> 
> Rated: M

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted July 23, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

Andrew hasn’t said the word please since he was eight years old and learned that it doesn’t do a fucking thing for you. It doesn’t make people stop when you want them to stop. It doesn’t make people listen to you. There has never been a point in saying please, so he doesn’t.

But Neil is hurt, laying in a hospital bed with so many tubes coming out of him he looks alien. He’s hospital sheet white and his hand is limp in Andrew’s. 

“You can’t die.” Andrew says, fiercely. 

Because that is a fact. Neil Josten cannot die, it would break him. 

Andrew hates him. He hates this. He hates being bent over his bedside with his stomach in knots because the only fucking thing in the world he’s chosen to care about is going to leave him.

“Please don’t die.”

The words are out in the air before he can snatch them back and stuff them down. Andrew doesn’t recognize the crack in his own voice for a moment, and then he does. It’s full of that childlike vulnerability he’d once held and Andrew wants more than anything to bury it again. 

How dare Neil Josten make him feel like this.

The machines around him beep on. In a movie Neil would wake up from this prompting. His stupid blue eyes would flutter open and he’d whisper Andrew’s name in a soft voice and Andrew would call him an idiot. But this is not a movie and Neil does not wake up and Andrew remembers why begging never does a fucking thing for you.


	4. Page 3: "Don't ask me that" (Andreil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "Don't ask me that."
> 
> Warnings: Neil has a panic attack, discussion of sexual assault
> 
> Rated: M

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted July 23, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

After Neil’s story had been told to the FBI in front of Andrew, Neil was sure their secrets game was over. All his secrets had been pulled from him, laid bare on a cold metal table for everyone to see. He had nothing left to trade, so the game must be over. But Andrew has always made a habit of surprising Neil.

“I’m taking a turn,” Andrew said, flicking cigarette ash off the rooftop onto the street below. His head was turned to the side, moon lighting up his angular features in a way Neil had learned to appreciate.

“Okay,” Neil said slowly. He brought a hand up to his mouth and bit at the skin around his thumb in a nervous habit he’d picked up. One of Andrew’s habits.

“What did Riko do to you at Evermore?”

Alarm bells rang distantly. The rooftop went out of focus. Neil felt the world tilt out from under him and drop him off the dizzying edge. He managed to choke out, “Don’t ask me that.” 

Andrew’s hand clasped the back of his neck roughly, grounding him. Neil sucked in a few quick breaths and Andrew squeezed once before letting go. Neil dropped his cigarette and folded his arms to hide his trembling fingers. Andrew just watched him calmly.

Finally, Neil blew out a breath and asked, “Why do you want to know?” 

“Because I want to know.” Andrew answered simply and the use of the word  _want_ was not lost on Neil. Andrew did not  _want_ anything, but he wanted to know this. Because he was curious?  Neil wasn’t sure. Maybe it was. Maybe because it was the one year anniversary of when Neil had taken his little trip to the Raven’s Nest.

 _‘Maybe he wants to tell you something and needs something to trade.’_  Neil thought.

“I don’t remember a lot of it,” Neil said. “Most of it’s a long black space where memory should be.” 

Andrew tilted his chin up in acknowledgement so Neil carried on.

“I was beaten on the first day, and then had to practice on the court that evening. I remember being handcuffed to the bed,” Neil rubbed absently at his wrists, not realizing he was doing it until Andrew’s hands clasped around his, stopping him. Andrew’s stare on Neil was heavy and Neil dropped his gaze. “The rest of it’s pretty hazy. Time was different there. And I was in pain for all of it. I don’t know when I slept, or if I even did, or if I just passed out. I don’t even remember leaving, just nothing and then I was back in the airport.” 

Andrew rubbed his thumbs over the circular scars on Neil’s wrists, bringing them up after a moment to press his lips against them. He kissed rings around both wrists, an intensity to his eyes that Neil didn’t understand.

“Proust bit my scars.” Andrew said finally, after he’d lowered Neil’s hands from his mouth. His mouth twisted into something like a snarl before going neutral again. “He said it’d keep me from disassociating.”

“Did it?” Neil asked.

Andrew’s heavy stare answered that question for him.  _Yes, it did._

Neil clutched Andrew’s hands with his own and Andrew let him. The silence around them was thick for a long time before Neil said, “Can I kiss your scars?”

Andrew nodded like he was just waiting for Neil to ask. 

Neil slid Andrew’s arm bands up his arms before pressing soft lips to the jagged scars that criss crossed up Andrew’s forearms. He ran his tongue over some of the thicker ones, pecked gently over the marred skin until every inch was covered. Until Andrew’s hands grasped Neil’s face, his voice hoarse as he asked “Yes or no?”

Neil breathed a yes and Andrew surged forward, kissing Neil desperately. They kissed until their fingers went numb from the cold winter air and Neil was gasping breathlessly against Andrew’s lips. Andrew’s thumb ran over Neil’s cheek, over the burn scar, tenderly. “I hate you.” Andrew said into the fragile air between them, and punctuated the statement with another kiss.


	5. Page 4: Andreil Fight + "Stop it" (Andreil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Ok I just had 2 share this w someone but like what if when Andrew and Neil have like a rlly big fight and they're kinda not talking and stuff, Neil has a panic attack (when he's alone I guess) and to calm himself down he says "stop it" and puts his own hand on the back of his neck while he's crouched on the floor like Andrew would if he were there and they weren't fighting. And what if Andrew walks in on that and his heart kinda,,,, breaks a lil
> 
> Warnings: Neil has a panic attack, argument off screen
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Sept. 18, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

Most things of significance happened on the rooftop. Their first kiss, the first time Andrew acknowledged he felt something for Neil, and unfortunately, their first big fight. Looking back on it, Neil wasn’t even sure what the fight had been about, only that it had ended with Andrew walking away. 

That had been three days ago.

In that time Neil had tried to apologize, but his words fell on seemingly deaf ears. On his second attempt at an apology Andrew had said, “Do you even know what your apologizing for Josten?” They were the only words Andrew had said to him in two days, and the last time he’d spoken to Neil since.

But the answer to that question was no. Neil didn’t know what he was apologizing for, only that he’d done something that required an apology. 

Neil had been on edge since Christmas, waking up on most mornings with the ghost weight of cuffs snapped on his wrists. It took him hours to shake off the lingering dredges of nightmares, and after that he was just left empty. Andrew had always been able to help with this, but since the fight he hadn’t been back to the dorm. Neil assumed he was staying with Coach, but he just as easily could have taken to sleeping on Betsy’s couch. 

Neil woke up on the fourth day in a cold sweat, the phantom weight of his father’s axe at his throat and Lola’s hands on his legs. He tries to focus on the sound of Kevin’s snoring, but panic has his heart in a death grip and his chest feels like it’s caving in. It takes him several minutes to convince himself he can move, and even longer to climb out of bed and into the bathroom. 

He avoids looking at himself in the mirror as he passes, and turns the shower on. 

-

That’s where Andrew finds him, thirty minutes later, crouched down in the corner of the shower with his clothes still on, drenched in cold water with his head pressed to his knees and hand on the back of his neck. When Andrew turns the shower off he can hear Neil muttering “stop it” to himself over and over.

Andrew inhaled sharply through his nose and his jaw clenched. He left to get a set of dry clothes from Neil’s dresser and when he came back Neil hadn’t moved. “Abram,” Andrew said.

Neil’s voice cut off abruptly, but he didn’t move.

Andrew pulled a towel out from under the sink and crouched down an arm’s length away from Neil. “Abram I have to know if I can touch you,” He said. He needed to get Neil dry, but refused to touch Neil if he wouldn’t allow it.

Neil was quiet for a beat before he whispered, “Okay.” 

Andrew pried Neil’s hand off of the back of his neck and replaced it with one of his own. He straightened out Neil’s legs and pulled his head up, brushing wet hair away from eyes out of habit. Neil wouldn’t look at him.

Neil’s teeth were chattering and he was shaking hard in Andrew’s grip. “You’re going to give yourself pneumonia.” Andrew muttered, peeling off Neil’s clothes and wrapping him in a towel.

It took a great deal more effort to get Neil out of the shower and into dry clothes, but by the time he had, Neil’s shaking had subsided into just mild tremors. 

When Neil was fully clothed again and dry, Andrew pulled him into his lap. Neil let out a small, shocked sound but Andrew ignored it. He put one hand on Neil’s neck and the other in between his shoulder blades. “You’re okay,” Andrew said, his thumb tickling the back of Neil’s neck, “This is okay.”

At that, Neil slumped into Andrew, his face against Andrew’s shoulder and hands trapped between their torsos. “Sorry,” Neil mumbled and Andrew grunted.

“Shut up.” He said, but without venom. “You want to tell me why you were trying to give yourself hypothermia?”

“I don’t know,” Neil replied, “Had a nightmare, so I tried to take a shower. Don’t remember the rest.”

Andrew’s grip on Neil tightened for a second before he relaxed it again. 

“Where were you?” Neil asked.

Andrew’s hand ran soothingly down Neil’s spine once before resting between his shoulder blades again. “At Bee’s,” He said.

It was quiet again for a long time. Neil’s heartbeat finally slowed and his breathing evened back out. Andrew prepared himself to let go, so Neil could go back to sleep, but then Neil whispered, “Don’t leave.”

Andrew’s jaw clenched and he swallowed hard, “I’m not going anywhere.”

When Kevin found them the next morning, both bean bag chairs pushed together and Neil with his head on Andrew’s chest, he said nothing and simply handed Andrew a cup of coffee.


	6. Page 5: [text] when i kiss him i can only think of you (Andreil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: [text] when i kiss him i can only think of you
> 
> Warnings: implied Neil kisses someone off screen
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Nov. 8, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

Andrew knew exactly why Neil left him and the thought of it made him pulse with dull anger. Neil was trying, stupidly, to protect Andrew again when Andrew didn’t need his protection. He was pissed that Neil thought Andrew couldn’t handle the Moriyamas, pissed that Neil had left with only a note because he was too cowardly to look him in the eye, pissed that Neil broke him promise.

And then this.

_When I kiss him I can only think of you._

What the fuck was that supposed to mean? Andrew knew that Neil was staying at a teammate’s apartment, he’d left Andrew with their apartment and their cats and a note reminding him to feed the two little shits. Andrew clicked his phone shut and didn’t dignify the message with a response. It was likely that Neil was drinking, though he wasn’t one to drink very often. 

Drunk texting your ex was a cliche that Andrew couldn’t believe Neil would fall into.

 _If I call will you answer_  was the next message, sent almost an hour after the first and Andrew was tempted to ignore that one as well. Instead he typed back,  _Yes_.

A minute later the phone rang and Neil’s picture popped up. Andrew hit the button to answer and brought the phone to his ear. “What?” He asked.

Neil was quiet for a minute, but Andrew could hear him breathing so they sat in silence for a moment. Finally Neil drew in a breath and said, “I wanted to come home, but I wasn’t sure if you’d slam the door in my face or not.”

Andrew didn’t respond.

“Um, so I thought I’d call first.” Neil said, he cleared his throat and continued, “I’m an idiot.”

Andrew hummed in agreement with that.

“I was wrong,” Neil said softly, “I got scared so I ran. I didn’t want… I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“What did I tell you about trying to protect me Abram?” Andrew rumbled back.

Neil laugh on the other end was broken and bitter, “Yeah, well, we both know I’m not very good a listening.”

They were silent again for a second before Neil sighed, “Andrew, can I come home?”

He didn’t just mean the apartment, they both knew that. Andrew took a breath and said, “I told you before you left that you were making a mistake.”

“You did.”

“I told you to trust me.”

“I know.”

“You didn’t.”

“I know.”

Andrew clicked his tongue, annoyed. “Get your shit I guess, your damn cats keep waking me up because they want you home.”

He could hear Neil’s sigh of relief on the other side, “I’ll be home in thirty minutes.”

Andrew hung up and ignored the flutter in his chest as his heart slotted back together.


	7. Page 6: "What did you say?" (Andreil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "What did you say?"
> 
> Warnings: Neil has a very minor panic attack
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Jan. 20, 2017 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

The card in his hand felt like a death certificate. It was a noose around his neck, bound ankles, a bag over his head and he was suffocating. The envelope an unassuming cream color with no return address but Neil didn’t need one. The card itself was blank, the same color as the envelope it’d been dressed in, and written inside in neat black ink was ‘Happy Birthday Nathaniel’. There was no threat, no note, and nothing more written, but Neil Josten had been raised with his mother’s paranoia. Ichirou Moriyama was not wishing him a happy birthday, it had to be a warning but for what Neil didn’t know.

“Neil,” Andrew said, voice hard and firm.

Neil snapped his eyes away from the card and to the man in front of him, “What did you say?”

“Your name dumbass,” Andrew said, “I’ve said it three times.” His hands were shoved deep into his pockets and the monotone quality of his voice gave an air of indifference, but Neil could read the cool anger in his eyes and the tenseness of his shoulders. 

An apology perched itself on the tip of Neil’s tongue and he swallowed it down like bile. Instead, he wordlessly handed the card over to Andrew. Andrew pulled a hand from his pocket to take the card and studied it briefly. He then tore the neat little card into pieces and let them fall to the floor. Neil took a shaky breath, “What does he want?”

“This,” Andrew said, gesturing to Neil.

Neil cocked his head in silent question.

“You, in a panic.” Andrew elaborated, though he looked put out at having to do so, “You, questioning yourself. You, being afraid. You, running so he has a  _reason_  to kill you.”

Neil stuffed his shaking hands into the pockets of his hoodie and wished he weren’t quite so transparent with Andrew, then a moment later he was glad he was. Already Neil felt his panic turning to smoke in the face of Andrew’s fierce and quiet protection. Andrew knew Neil better than Neil knew himself some days and it helped quiet the voice inside him telling him to run, to hide. Neil would not give Ichirou the pleasure.

“Thank you,” Neil said.

Andrew’s eyes darkened and he pulled Neil down for a harsh kiss all teeth and tongues. Neil melted into Andrew’s hands and let out a relieved sigh in the air between them. Andrew put Neil back into his proper skin with rough kisses and a hand on his cheek that promised protection.


	8. Page 7: "Don't make me beg." (Andreil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: none
> 
> Warnings: sexual situation but no sex, discussion of boundaries, anxiety
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Aug. 5, 2017 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

The words “don’t make me beg” cause Andrew to freeze. They’re not whine out in frustration or passion but breathed out small and anxious, soft and brittle and vulnerable. Andrew looks up and sees the almost panic on Neil’s face, the half-hidden shame that rests there, and removes his hands from Neil’s body. 

“You don’t have to stop,” Neil says, or starts to say but then thinks better of it. He takes a deep breath and pulls his hands down to his chest, clasping them prayer like in the way Andrew knows is Neil wanting to reach out but not. He’s almost thankful, almost angry, doesn’t know what or why he feels so he sits back and creates a pocket of distance between them.

“What’s wrong?” Andrew asks. They’re better at this now, talking instead of just hoping the other will understand. 

“It’s stupid,” Neil says, chewing on his lip.

Andrew raises an eyebrow and waits patiently for Neil to work it out.

Neil closes his eyes and they both wait until their breathing evens back out. Neil reaches for his shirt Andrew had tossed to the floor and Andrew gets it for him. Neil shrugs into the soft cotton like armor and twists his hands into the hems. “Sometimes when you get me laid out like that, it’s like you want to hear me beg,” Neil says. He won’t quite make eye contact and Andrew hates it but he won’t touch Neil right now.

Andrew pushes out a harsh breath through his nose. Truth for truth, words laid open and bare. “I like to hear you ask for it,” Andrew says. It’s like confirmation that Neil wants him, that his  _yes_  is genuine and consent is still there. 

“I can’t do that for you,” Neil says and his jaw clenches.

Andrew reaches out a hand, palm inches away from Neil’s cheek in askance but doesn’t touch. Neil breathes out, relieved and exasperated all at once, and leans into the hand. Andrew’s thumb strokes over rough skin gently and he guides Neil into looking at him.

“Why?” Andrew asks, because there’s more that Neil isn’t saying. Things he needs to know so he doesn’t trigger accidental panic like this again. Andrew has always been careful about not breaking his toys.

“In Baltimore,” Neil says, grimacing around the words like they hurt coming out, “Lola made me beg in that car. She made me ask her not to hurt me, not to hurt  _you_. It’s not the same, but…”

But it is, and it’s something Andrew is intimately familiar with. “Okay,” Andrew says, sliding his hand back to cup the back of Neil’s neck.

“Just like that?” Neil asks, but he already knows the answer. Here, in this bed in Columbia, two years and 500 miles away from Baltimore, Neil is safe.

“Just like that,” Andrew says, and presses their foreheads together.


	9. Page 8: “Your mom dad called, said she hasn’t seen you sober for three days.” (Kandreil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: [text] Your mom called, said she hasn't seen you sober for three days. Kandreil? (Wymack instead of mom obv.)
> 
> Warnings: Kevin drinks too much, there was an argument off screen, the situation doesn't get resolved
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Nov. 8, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

When Neil’s phone rang it was usually only one of three people: Andrew, Kevin, or Coach Wymack. Seeing Wymack’s name on the caller id wasn’t unusual, but Neil still wondered why Wymack would need to call him instead of just texting him. “Coach?” He answered, in lieu of a hello.

“What the hell happened Josten?”

“What?”

“Kevin,” Wymack grunted, “He came over three days ago, mumbled some sorry ass excuse about needing some space, and has been drinking ever since. I haven’t seen him sober once since he got here.”

“Why is that my fault?”

“Well I figure it was either you or Minyard that fucked up, and Andrew doesn’t answer my calls.”

Neil wasn’t exactly keen on talking about their dating life to Wymack but he sighed and said, “We got into a fight. A big one, I guess, and Kevin stormed out. I thought he just needed a couple of days. I assumed he’d gone to Thea’s.”

“You better get over here and fix it Josten,” Wymack said, a warning tone to his voice, “I’m worried about this kid’s liver on a normal day. He’s gonna start sprouting gills pretty soon.”

“I’ll talk to him,” Neil said, hanging up before Wymack could go on any further. He pulled up his messages and sent one to Kevin:

_Wymack called, said he hasn’t seen you sober for three days._

Then he texted Andrew to let him know he was going to get Kevin. He didn’t expect a response but he got one anyway,  _Finally. I was getting sick of watching you mope._

Kevin’s text back was more petulant:  _So?_

 _You’re going to destroy your liver._  Neil sent back as he climbed into the car, and then after a moment,  _I’m coming to get you._

_I don’t want to see you._

Neil had to fight to keep from rolling his eyes. He put his phone on the seat next to him and headed to Wymack’s apartment. When he got there the coach’s car was no where in sight, so Neil realized that Wymack was going to let him and Kevin talk alone. A little weight lifted off of his shoulders at that. 

Inside the apartment Kevin was sat in the corner of the kitchen, a bottle of wine in hand and a bottle opener at his thigh. He obviously hadn’t showered since he’d left their apartment three days before and smelled like booze and vomit. Neil sat down in front of him and fought the urge to gag. “You look like shit.” He said.

Kevin glared and brought the bottle of wine to his lips, flipping Neil off with the other hand.

“Classy,” Neil replied. “It’s time to go home Kevin.”

“No,” Kevin said, putting the bottle down. “Fuck you.”

“You’re acting like a child,” Neil said.

“So what?” Kevin asked, “You don’t give a shit either way. Not unless it’s convenient for you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You, asshole,” Kevin snapped, and then continued in French, “I don’t even know why you’re here, except to get Wymack off your back. You don’t even know what we’re fighting about you’re so goddamned oblivious to the entire world around you.”

Neil gave Kevin a lost look and Kevin scoffed, “That’s exactly what I’m talking about. What are we fighting about, Neil?”

“Kevin I have no idea.” Neil replied.

“Exactly,” Kevin slurred, taking another long drink from the wine bottle, 

“Is this because I didn’t watch your game on tv?”

Kevin sat broodily, staring at Neil’s shoulder.

“Are you fucking serious?” Neil snapped, “That’s what we’re fighting about?”

Kevin stayed silent, a dark look on his face.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Neil said, “Out of all the things in the world one little insignificant thing like that is what has you drinking yourself to death. It’s not that important Kevin, I recorded it.”

“It’s important to me, Neil!” Kevin snapped in French, and then more quietly, “It was important to me.”

Neil clamped down on his anger and frustration and let it flow out of him. Getting mad at Kevin wasn’t going to solve this. “I’m sorry,” He said, as sincerely as he could, “I promise I’ll watch the next one. Now let’s go home and get you showered, you smell like rotten garbage.”

Kevin didn’t look Neil in the eye as he stood and Neil knew he had a long way to go toward earning Kevin’s forgiveness. Kevin just muttered again, almost too soft to hear, “It was important. I told you to watch it.” 

“Okay Kevin,” Neil said, taking Kevin’s hand, “I’ll watch the recording when we get home.”

Kevin yanked his hand away and didn’t speak the entire car ride home.


	10. Page 9: [text] you left your facebook open on my computer and your ex messaged you (Kandreil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: [text] You left your facebook open on my computer and your ex messaged you. Kandriel please! Thanks!
> 
> Warnings: suspected infidelity
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Nov. 13, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

Neil didn’t mind if Kevin still talked to Thea. They’d been together for a long time after all, Kevin had practically grown up next to Thea for several years, and being on the US Court together Neil knew objectively that they still spoke. What Neil didn’t like, however, was Kevin going behind his and Andrew’s back to talk to Thea. Like she was a secret that Kevin needed to keep hidden from them.

He’d come home from practice, dead on his feet and sore from his head to his knees, and passed Kevin on the flight of stairs. “I’m going out with some of the guys,” Kevin said, he didn’t kiss Neil because anyone could see them, “I’ll be home late.”

“Okay,” Neil said. Kevin let their arms brush as he continued walking, and their hands touched for a brief moment. It wasn’t an accident, and Neil hid a smile. He continued up the stairs to their apartment and unlocked the door. 

Andrew was spread out on the couch on his stomach, head propped on his arms watching Wheel of Fortune with a bored expression. King rested on Andrew’s back between his shoulder blades. Andrew glanced over his shoulder at Neil but didn’t move, silently refusing to disturb the sleeping kitten on his back. 

Neil grinned, “Hey.”

Andrew rolled his eyes and looked back at the TV. Neil looked around for a second, looking for his laptop that he usually kept on the coffee table. He’d planned on sitting on the floor in front of Andrew and catching up on his emails while Andrew watched TV, but his laptop wasn’t there. “It’s in the kitchen,” Andrew said, “Kevin was using it.”

“Oh,” Neil replied. He slung his duffle bag into the hall closet and headed to the kitchen for his laptop and a cup of coffee. The coffee in the coffee pot was cold but still good so he poured a cup and popped it in the microwave to heat. He found his computer, still on and open, on the counter and shook his head. Kevin knew leaving the laptop on and unplugged from it’s charger irritated Neil, so he made sure to do it as often as he could.

Neil tapped the touchpad to get rid of the screensaver and was a little bewildered to find that in Kevin’s rush to leave the apartment, he’d forgotten to log off of facebook. His messages were still open and Neil wouldn’t have paid them any mind if he hadn’t seen one from T. Muldani that read  _‘Don’t be late’_.

The microwave beeped and the sound startled Neil. He grabbed his hot mug from the microwave and added sugar and cream to his coffee then carried the mug and his laptop to the living room. He sat down on the floor in front of Andrew, putting his coffee down on the table and his computer in his lap.

Andrew looked down, “Why are you on Kevin’s facebook?” He asked.

“He left it open.”

“So log out.”

“He got a message from Thea.”

“You’re being nosy.”

“I know,” Neil replied irritably, “but I think he lied about where he’s going tonight and if he did then I want to know why.”

Andrew huffed out a breath and looked back to the TV, but Neil knew Andrew was just as curious as he was. Neil looked at the messages from Thea and frowned.

T. Muldani:  _Coffee shop on 4th and Flint?_

K. Day:  _Sure. 6pm?_

T. Muldani:  _Don’t be late._

Neil logged out of Kevin’s facebook, chewing on his lower lip. “Kevin’s lying to us,” he said.

Andrew grunted, but his shoulders and back were tense.

Neil tapped out a message to Kevin on his phone,  _You left your facebook open on my computer and your ex messaged you. Why didn’t you just tell us you were going out to meet with Thea?_

Kevin’s response didn’t come back for several minutes, and when it did it made Neil’s blood boil.  _Why were you on my facebook?_

 _You left it open asswipe._  Neil replied.

_That doesn’t give you permission to read it._

_Stop avoiding. Why didn’t you just tell us where you were going?_

Kevin didn’t respond and Neil dropped his phone on the ground, his jaw clenched in anger. “Andrew,” Neil started but Andrew’s long, suffering sigh stopped him from saying anything else. 

Andrew sat up, ignoring King’s startled hiss and the claws that dug into his back as the cat skittered away, and pulled out his phone. He hit the third speed dial option on his phone and pressed it against his ear. After a few muffled rings Neil could hear Kevin’s exasperated ‘What?’ when he answered the phone.

“Come home,” Andrew said, “We need to talk.”


	11. Page 10: "And slowly...I was forgotten." (Neil-centric)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "and slowly...i was forgotten"
> 
> Warnings: character death, Neil died in Baltimore
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Feb. 9, 2017 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

There is a picture on the wall of a room in the Foxhole Court of me and man I wish I had been given the time to learn to love. It’s old now and the corners of it are folded and sagged with age. It is half posted over with new pictures of younger Foxes and of the family I knew and was torn from. There was one more picture of me on that wall, one that Renee Walker had clipped out with steady hands and a blank face. That picture is gone now, torn down by a man who wanted to remember something other than the gray and black print of the obituary. 

A jersey, displaying my name and number is slowly gathering dust in box in a coach’s office. My number was given away to a new Fox, Robin Cross, just a few years after I had worn it. Andrew said it was fitting, that number being given to her. My racquet, my pads, my locker were all passed down and will continue to be passed down for years and years until they grow ratty and old and get disposed of.

It was a lot for everyone to deal with,  _after_. When Kevin told the team who I was really and why I’d been killed. It was worse than when Seth died for some of them. There was anger over it and sorrow. There was  _‘why didn’t he say something’_  and  _‘what could we have done?’_. There was blame and pointing fingers and a rift between two distinct groups that nothing could fill.

Loss was something I had been intimately familiar with, but I had never seen it from this side before. And yet, never for one second have I ever regretted the decision I made that day to try to keep them safe.

Eventually my things were packed and confiscated, though Andrew kept my key ring for almost five years before tossing it into a ditch on a county road in Georgia. The Foxes made it through that year and the next. The girls graduated and then so did Matt and Kevin. Andrew didn’t attend his own graduation and instead spent the time of the ceremony blowing smoke in rings from the roof.

Foxes came and grew and went. I was a story that was told in the quiet corners of science labs and lecture halls, the boy with the axe murderer father. The boy that didn’t make it out. The story became whispers and whispers became a passing thought.

And slowly…I was forgotten.


	12. Page 11: And The Illusion Shatters (Kevin, +Andreil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: creation event (social media)
> 
> Warnings: Kevin and Neil both have panic attacks
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Aug. 10, 2017 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

It’s 7:56 in the morning when Neil Josten’s world comes crashing down around his feet. It’s rare for Kevin to be awake before him, even more rare for him to be up watching the news before Neil has had time to drink his morning coffee, but it’s summer break and Abby’s house is quiet except for the low murmur of the television and Kevin’s rapid breathing. It’s enough to make Neil break from his routine and wander into the living room to investigate.

Kevin’s phone is clutched white-knuckled in his left hand, the remote left forgotten on the floor at his feet. His eyes are wide with panic, face pale with horror, mouth slightly open as panic sets in and makes it hard to breathe. “Kevin, what’s wrong?” Neil asks, voice still rough from sleep.

Kevin’s eyes dart away from the screen and he lunges to grab Neil’s arm. Neil dodges and pushes Kevin back down to the couch but goes down with him, sitting next to him with a hair’s breadth between them.

“Thought the motive is unclear, the video seems to confirm rumors started last year by Day himself about the accident,” The sports anchor says. To his right is a clip of a video playing on loop, the blurred-out face of Riko Moriyama holding a metal pipe in hand and swinging it down on a blurry Kevin Day’s left hand. Neil’s breath catches and hangs in his throat, stomach bottoming out. His heart thumps a heavy cadence in his chest as he reaches out and grabs onto the front of Kevin’s shirt to steady them both. “Twitter has pulled the videos, issuing a warning for the violence of the acts permitted in them.” The sports anchor continues on, voice droning as though he weren’t delivering some of the worst news imaginable, “It’s unclear where the videos were sent from, or who sent them, but the NCAA has delivered a statement that they, along with Edgar Allen University will be looking much harder at the events allowed by Tetsuji Moriyama during his reign as coach over the Exy team.”

The screen cuts to commercial and Kevin lets out an awful sound, doubling over himself. Neil takes a shaking breath and refirms his grip on Kevin’s shirt, pushing him upright. Neil moves to kneel in front of Kevin, keeping a tight grip on him. “Kevin,” Neil says, a little weak but mostly intact, “Kevin, you have to breathe.”

Kevin takes a gasping breath and Neil pushes at his chest through his shirt to make him exhale. “Good Kevin, again.” Kevin breathes again, then again, and over until his breath sounds steadier and less on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Neil glances at Kevin’s hand and notices the twitter app open on the screen. “Shut your phone off. There’s nothing you need to see on there.”

Kevin does, wordlessly, before tossing his phone across the room at the wall. There’s a cracking noise and Neil is sure the iPhone is busted if not completely destroyed but they can deal with that later. “Neil,” Kevin finally croaks, gripping Neil’s shirt the same way Neil is gripping his. “Neil, I saw the videos.”

“Kevin,” Neil says warningly.

“Neil,” Kevin sounds more insistent now, “They were up for hours. Millions of people saw what he did to us.”

“Kevin it’s over for now,” Neil says, “It’s over and he can’t do anything to us now.”

“Ichirou could,” Kevin says and his breathing speeds back up.

“No,” Neil says firmly, “Ichirou’s not going to do anything about this. Has Jean seen it yet?”

“He’s the one who called me,” Kevin says.

Of course he was. Jean was the only one who was ever up earlier than Neil. Jean must have seen the videos on twitter and called Kevin to warn him. Neil just hoped Jeremy was there to hold Jean together for this mess. “Okay,” Neil says, “Then Jean’s preparing for the fallout and we will too, but not right now.”

Kevin jerks his head in a nod. Neil nods back and stands, pulling Kevin up with him, “We’ll deal with this after we’ve had coffee and Andrew wakes up.”

“But-“

“I know,” Neil says, “but it’s out there now and the only thing we can do is get ready for the aftermath.”

When Andrew comes downstairs an hour later he’s faced with Neil and Kevin trying to prop each other up at the kitchen table, both dead-eyed and loose limbed at reliving their respective worst nightmares. Andrew raises an eyebrow at them. Kevin seems dead to the world, eyes not moving from a scratch on the table, but Neil looks up at him.

“What happened?” Andrew asks flatly.

Neil gathers a breath but it catches in his throat and suddenly he can’t breathe, his eyes are stinging and he can’t breathe can’t move he’s suffocating. Neil makes a small choking noise and suddenly Andrew is there with a hand pressed against the back of his neck. “Breathe, Abram,” Andrew commands and Neil makes an aborted whining noise. Andrew shakes him a little, a bit too hard, and Neil takes a breath that breaks on its way out. He does it again, and again, and slowly Andrew’s grip on him loosens and he can feel Kevin staring at him boring holes into the side of his face but all he can see is Andrew.

“I can only handle one of you having a breakdown at a time,” Andrew says and a laugh catches and dies in Neil’s chest.

Neil’s lips twitch faintly and he holds up a hand in front of Andrew, two inches from his chest and doesn’t touch. “Can I-“

“Yes,” Andrew says.

Neil carefully folds his hand in Andrew’s shirt and lets the grip anchor him like he did with Kevin earlier that morning. “Someone posted videos on twitter of Riko abusing Jean and Kevin. Apparently, there were some of me on there as well.” Neil says hoarsely.

Andrew’s jaw twitches in a rare show of anger as his fingers curl a little tighter around the back of Neil’s neck. He looks to Kevin who takes a shuddering breath and says, “Someone posted around nine at night. Jean saw them around four this morning. He called me a little later and I saw them too. By the time Neil got up they were deleted but they went viral. There’s going to be copies everywhere. There’s going to be interviews and press conferences and people are going to ask about it every time we get on or off the court.”

“Then you will tell them what they want to hear,” Andrew says.

“Andrew,” Kevin says, voice tight.

“You did this last year when you outed Wymack as your father. Neil did it when they wanted to stick their nose into what happened at Baltimore. They’re going to pick at you until you bleed, so give them what they want and then let it die.” Andrew says.

“It’s not that simple,” Kevin argues.

“Then simplify it,” Andrew replies.

Neil takes a shuddering breath, “Andrew’s right. We’ll do a press conference, maybe one other interview, and then let it die off. It will eventually, everything does.”

“You’re both naïve if you think this will be over that quickly,” Kevin says.

“Nothing to do with a storm but weather it,” Neil says and Andrew taps the back of his neck.

Kevin glances between the two of them before sighing heavily. Kevin would rather break his own hand before admitting they were right, but his silence said it all for him.

“Now, coffee,” Andrew says, slowly letting go of Neil’s neck. Neil lets his hand drop from Andrew’s shirt to let him go into the kitchen to make his coffee.

“Do you really think Ichirou will let it be that easy,” Kevin asks in French once Andrew’s back is turned.

Neil watches the way Andrew tilts his head just slightly and knows he’s listening. “Yes,” Neil says in English to Kevin’s unimpressed scowl, “Yes I do.”

Kevin huffs out a breath but there’s light in his eyes again and his hands are steady so Neil takes that for the improvement that it is and lets the subject drop.

Neil’s phone vibrates in his pocket and he shifts, startled, before pulling it out. The caller id is labeled ‘Wymack’ so he answers it with a “Yeah?”

“Good morning to you too you little shit,” Wymack says, “Kevin’s phone is going straight to voicemail so either he’s passed out drunk and forgot to plug in his phone or he’s already seen the news.”

“He’s seen it,” Neil replies.

Wymack curses lightly, phone pulled back from his mouth, “Alright kid, can you let him use your phone?”

“Yeah, hang on,” Neil says and hands his phone over to Kevin, “Wymack wants to talk to you.”

Kevin rolls his eyes and takes the phone, answering with a “Talk to me” as he stands and walks to the back door to speak in private.

Andrew walks back over to the kitchen table and sits down in the chair across from Neil, slumping down in it slightly. Neil drums his fingers on the table until Andrew catches them with his own, taking a drink from his coffee mug. “Don’t be annoying, it’s too early.”

“It’s 9am,” Neil replies.

Andrew hums and looks away, drinking his coffee in silence. When he finally sets the mug down he says, “I’m waiting for another meltdown from you.”

Honestly, Neil feels broken in a thousand jagged pieces, like his insides are glass and breathing through the shrapnel is like getting air through barbed wire. “I’m not okay,” Neil says honestly, because that’s what he does for Andrew now, he bleeds with it. “But I think I will be. This isn’t over yet.”

“As long as Day saves his breakdown for when you’re not having one.”

“That I can’t promise,” Neil says, but he knows that Andrew is strong enough to weather this storm with them.

“Stop looking at me like that,” Andrew says, jaw clenching.

Neil closes his eyes and Andrew huffs out an unamused breath. Andrew reaches across the table and hooks his fingers into Neil’s collar, dragging him forward. There’s a brief pause where Neil can feel Andrew’s breath, warm and coffee scented, puffs over Neil’s face. Then Andrew leans in and presses his lips to the corner of Neil’s mouth. “I don’t trust you with anything else right now,” Andrew says as he pulls away.

With Neil’s skin stretched tight across his bones and panic still fresh on his mind he has to agree. Neil opens his eyes but Andrew isn’t looking at him. He’s looking at the back door, keeping an eye out for Kevin, and Neil thinks maybe they might come out of this alright.


	13. Page 12: What if Neil didn’t go with the monsters to pick up Andrew from Easthaven (Andreil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: what do you think would’ve happened if neil didn’t go with the monsters to pick up andrew? like he had to stay on campus for something?
> 
> Warnings: canon torture happened off screen, implied sexual assault happened off screen
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Oct. 7, 2018 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

Andrew put the pen down, ignoring the nurse’s attempts at telling him ‘good luck’ with his future. As if luck mattered a lick to a Minyard. No matter. Dr. Slosky was waiting for him at the door with a key card to let him out. Andrew slung his bag over his shoulder and let the idle chatter from the doctors and the nurses become white noise and static.

Andrew didn’t realize, walking into the lobby, that he was expecting Neil until he saw he wasn’t there.  _Runaway_ , the back of his mind whispered. He didn’t expect the sudden rush of disappointment that flooded him. He heard, vaguely, Nicky say “Andrew” and turned away from them all without a second thought.

They would follow him, as they always did. Andrew first made his way to the dumpster, upending his clothes into it. They were not clothes he was attached to. In fact, he would burn them if he could. As if the smoke from the burning would blot out his memory. He turned his gaze back to his family.

Aaron and Nicky were already almost to the car, so Nicky must have his keys. Kevin was lagging behind them, his eyes solely for Andrew. There was a bruise splashed across the side of his face that was enough to spark a little heat in his gut. Someone had broken a promise. Not that Andrew had ever trusted Neil to keep his word. Not that Andrew cared about Neil at all.

Andrew crossed the parking lot. Nicky had unlocked the car and Aaron slid into the backseat. Aaron and Andrew had spent years ignoring each other, today was nothing new, but Nicky obviously wanted something from him. Andrew didn’t know what to give him, he had nothing left of himself to give.

Nicky held out his keys as an offering and Andrew took them, his cousin giving him a bleak smile before climbing into the backseat with Aaron. Andrew opened the driver’s side door and waited, arm propped along the top of the door. Kevin stood in front of him, looking him up and down the way he had the first time they had met. Andrew’s eyes lingered first on his bruised cheek and then down to his hands. No split knuckles. Whoever Kevin had taken a hit from, he hadn’t hit back. But that was a story for later. Right now all Andrew wanted was a cigarette and to put as much distance between himself and Easthaven as he could.

Andrew flicked his fingers at Kevin dismissively and slid into the driver’s seat. Kevin obediently took his seat on the passenger’s side and Andrew started the car. Nicky tried once more to get his attention, “Andrew, aren’t you even going to ask-”

Andrew cut on the radio, dialing it up loud enough to drown out his cousin’s voice and any complaints the others might have. Kevin reached for the volume controls only once, when they’d been on the highway for only a few minutes, and Andrew popped his hand before shooting a warning finger at him. Andrew could see Kevin cross his arms in silent displeasure and cooly ignored him.

Andrew swung his car into the parking lot of Fox Tower and cut the engine, letting the others get out. He stood and slid a look over at Nicky. “You stay. The rest go.” He said.

Kevin looked like he might protest for half a moment before Aaron knocked into him and got him moving. Kevin shot back one final look before leaving, following Aaron back into the Tower. Satisfied he and Nicky were alone Andrew asked, “What happened to Kevin’s face?”

“Um,” Nicky bit down on his bottom lip and fidgeted with a stay thread on his shirt. Andrew waited him out, leaning against the side of his car. Nicky blew out a breath. “Matt went at him this morning when he got back.”

“Mm.” Andrew hummed, watching Nicky’s face. “I warned him not to touch Kevin again.”

Nicky sent him a panicked look. “Kevin deserved it, really, and Matt’s mom paid your bail so maybe you can let him off the hook this one time.”

Andrew wouldn’t, and Nicky knew that, but it wouldn’t be Nicky if he didn’t try bargaining. “Why, pray tell, did he deserve it?”

“Uh,” Nicky swallowed hard, like there was something stuck in his throat. He looked suspiciously like he was about to cry. “You’ll see. When you see Neil. He wanted to come with us today, but Coach didn’t want to let him off campus. He’s hurt, Andrew, like really bad, and it had something to do with Kevin - and you.”

 _So he was still here_ , Andrew thought,  _interesting_. Andrew put that away for now. “Where are we with the Ravens?”

“We made championships,” Nicky said, “Barely. Kevin and Neil’s scoring squeaked us in. Kevin’s not optimistic about us making it through the Death Matches but when is he ever optimistic about anything.”

“And Aaron’s trial?”

Nicky hung his head. “There’s not a date set yet, but Waterhouse said he’d keep in touch. Aaron’s doing better, I think, but you should talk to him.”

Andrew wouldn’t, and Nicky knew that too. “Anything else I should know about?”

“There was a fight,” Nicky said, “at the Christmas banquet. Neil punched Riko. It was beautiful. Riko said, well, something about you and Neil lost it.”

 _It was suicidal_ , Andrew thought,  _he has a death wish_. Andrew’s fingers itched for a cigarette. He nodded at Nicky and brushed past him, heading for the door to Fox Tower. They rode the elevator up in silence. When the door opened for their floor Andrew said, “Get Neil for me.” It didn’t sound like a request. Andrew hadn’t meant for it to.

Nicky nodded and knocked on the door to Matt and Neil’s dorm. Andrew waited for him in the stairwell. It took longer than Andrew wanted, and his patience and temper grew thin. At last Neil stepped out into the hallway and Andrew’s jaw clenched. His hair had been dyed, a vibrant looking auburn, and his eyes were that same icy blue Andrew had gotten accustomed to seeing in the neon lights of Eden’s. He had a bandage taped suspiciously over his left cheek, and his hands were taped. Andrew had a sneaking feeling those bandages went all the way up his forearms. One of his eyes was blackened and the dark bruise of a handprint stood out on the skin of his neck where his shirt collar didn’t cover. Neil moved slow, like every movement ached, but he didn’t look away from Andrew’s stare.

Standing in front of him, Andrew took them time to look him up and down before landing on the dark fabric in his hands. That was at least one promise Neil hadn’t broken. Andrew took his arm bands back and turned around to tug them on, smoothing his hands over the heavy weight of his knives against his forearms to soothe his spiking temper.

Once his knives were back in their rightful place, Andrew started walking, taking the stairs up instead of down. He didn’t glance behind him to know Neil was following, he could hear the little wheeze of pain that came from Neil’s mouth and slowed just enough to keep Neil behind him. He climbed up to the roof access door and jiggled the handle hard. He’d sabotaged the lock back in his freshman year, spending several nights up on this roof when Aaron and Nicky were too much to handle at the same time. The door opened to a rush of cold air and Andrew stepped out onto the gravel roof. He made his way to the edge, feeling the familiar swoop of his stomach as he looked out over the edge. Behind him Neil shook some cigarettes out of a pack and lit them, handing one to Andrew.

Andrew took the cigarette and turned to face Neil. “I’ll take an explanation now.”

“You couldn’t ask for answers inside where it’s warm?” Neil asked.

“If you’re worried about dying of exposure you’re a little late.” Andrew reached out a hand but stopped himself just a breath away from touching Neil’s skin. He couldn’t stop himself from looking at Neil’s eyes. Neil looked vulnerable in a way he hadn’t in months, but no less fierce and angry. The thought of Riko doing this, exposing Neil to danger, settled uncomfortably under his skin like raised knives. “Did I break my promise or were you keeping yours?”

Neil held his gaze. “Neither.”

 _Liar_ , Andrew thought. “Try again.”

“Neither,” Neil said again. Something indistinct flashed in his eyes. “I spent Christmas in Evermore.”

Andrew’s hand immediately went for the bandage on his cheek, ripping it off without care for the skin beneath it. He had to see. He had to know for sure.  _Surely not_ , Andrew thought. But surely so, the inked number 4 shined back at him mockingly. He felt Neil tense beneath his hand, preparing for violence, but the only anger Andrew felt was for the one that had put that number there.

“This is a new low for even you,” Andrew said, bottling his temper.

“I’m not wearing it by choice,” Neil bit back.

“You chose to go to Evermore.”

“I came back.”

As if that meant anything. As if Neil had had a choice. “Riko let you go,” Andrew corrected. “We are doing too well and your feud is too public for anyone to believe you would willing transfer to Edgar Allan mid-season.” He pressed the bandage back to Neil’s face with hard fingers. “You were supposed to be watching Kevin. Did you forget?”

“I promised to keep him safe,” Neil said, the edges of his temper flaring in the way his hand twitched at his side like he wanted to push Andrew away. “I didn’t say I’d hound him every step of the way like you do. I kept my end of the deal.”

“But not like this,” Andrew argued. “You already said this had nothing to do with Kevin. Why did you go?”

Neil’s face fell, going white as a sheet. He looked like he was going to be sick and Andrew wanted to press harder, wanted to push himself inside of Neil where he could look at all his rotten parts. “Riko said if I didn’t, Dr. Proust would-”

 _No_. Andrew clapped his hand over Neil’s mouth, unable and unwilling to hear the end of that sentence. It felt like a bucket of ice water had drenched his blood, and he could hear his own garbled yelling in the back of his mind like a soundtrack of his own misery. Neil, blessedly, went quiet. Andrew removed his hand. “Do not make the mistake of thinking I need your protection.”

“I had to try,” Neil met his eyes with fierce determination. Andrew wanted to rip that look off his face. “If I had the chance to stop it and did nothing, how could I look you in the face again? How could I live with myself?” He sounded too desperate and pleading.

“Your crumbling psyche is your problem, not mine,” Andrew said. “I said I would keep you alive this year and you are making that increasingly difficult.”

“You spend all this time watching our backs,” Neil said. “Who’s watching yours? Don’t say you are, because we both know you’re shit at taking care of yourself.”

Andrew ignored him. “The next time someone comes for you, let me deal with it. Do I make myself clear?’

“If it means losing you, then no,” Neil said.

Andrew’s heart clenched in his chest. “I hate you.” He took a long drag from his cigarette in silence before flicking it off the roof. “You were supposed to be a side effect of the drugs.”

“I’m not a hallucination,” Neil said.

“You are a pipe dream.” Andrew said. “Let me see your arms.”

Neil dropped his cigarette and pushed up the sleeve of his shirt. As expected, the bandages trailed their way up to his elbow. Neil didn’t unwrap the bandage and Andrew didn’t ask him to, too conscious of infection, but he could see a peak of raw skin where a bandage had loosened itself around his wrist. Andrew’s eyes dropped to it. “I was handcuffed,” Neil explained.

Andrew inhaled slowly through his nose and then looked pointedly at the bruise on Neil’s neck.

“Choked,” Neil said, “Waterboarded, too, if you wanted to know.”

“Nicky said Coach didn’t want you to leave campus,” Andrew intoned.

“Abby will clear me in a couple of weeks,” Neil said.

Andrew gave him an unimpressed look. He wanted to know about all the new scars. Wanted to put his hands on them too, but wouldn’t. Neil was something to look at, maybe think about, but never have.

Neil huffed, irritated, “Just a broken rib.” He swallowed and looked away, “Maybe other things I don’t want to remember.”

Andrew turned away from him, “Go inside and leave me alone.”

“I still have your key,” Neil said, “if you want it back.”

Andrew held his hand out expectantly and Neil dropped his full key ring in Andrew’s hand. Andrew worked the key to his car off of it before tossing the rest of the loop over the edge. “Oops,” Andrew said.

Neil opened his mouth then made the wise decision to close it, walking away. A little while later Neil appeared at ground level, gingerly scooping down to pick up his keys. Neil hesitated before picking Andrew’s cigarette off the sidewalk and putting it between his lips. Neil starred up at him and gave him a mocking salute.

Disgusting, Andrew thought, and turned away from the roof edge. Neil could stir up so many emotions in him, and that fact alone was disturbing. Even more so was the relief Andrew felt that Neil was still here, waiting for him. He was bruised and beaten but not broken and, more importantly, not gone.

That was something new to discuss with Betsy, maybe. He’d have to think about it. Andrew went back inside, and closed the door on it for now.


	14. Page 13: [text] Come over. You left your underwear here (Muldayni)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: [text] Come over. You left your underwear here
> 
> Warnings: suspected infidelity
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Nov. 8, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

_Come over. You left your underwear here._

There had to be a reasonable explanation. Kevin stared at Thea’s phone for several seconds, unblinking, yet the message did not change. He hadn’t been snooping.  He was just getting her phone off the charger. 

“Babe what’s taking so long?” Thea called from the living room.

_Come over. You left your underwear here._

Kevin clicked the side button and the lock screen faded back to black. He brought the phone into the living room and handed it to Thea. “You got a message.” He said, feeling numb from his heart to the tips of his fingers.

Thea clicked the home button and read, then looked up at Kevin, “It’s from my sister. I stayed with her last weekend, remember?”

It was not from Rhode, could not be from Rhode, but Kevin smiled his press smile and said, “Yes dear, I remember.” 

Thea smiled her press smile back and put her phone in her pocket and opened her arms to Kevin. He sat with her on the couch and let her rest her head on his shoulder and pretended that he believed the message was from Thea’s sister.


	15. Page 14: "My mom asked where you are.. I may have not told her we broke up." (MattNeil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Ok ok ok either "My mom asked where you are.. I may have not told her we broke up." or "You butt dialed me last night and I heard you say you loved her/him." Ahhhh(ruin me pls)!
> 
> Warnings: Neil breaks up with Matt off screen
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Nov. 8, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

Neil was still getting used to being alone again. After having lived with the Foxes for five years, and then with Matt for three after that, he’d gotten used to the constant company. The consistent feel of caring for people and being cared for in return.

His and Matt’s break up had been his fault, brought on by a wave of fear and panic at a message from Ichirou.

_Remember that we are always watching._

Andrew had assured him that the Moriyamas were just fucking with his head. Neil wasn’t so sure. He’d broken it off with Matt a few days later, afraid of what Ichirou might do to him if he ever needed the opportunity to teach Neil a lesson. Neil refused to let any more people be hurt because of him.

He had an apartment of his own now, small but clean, and his own car. He didn’t talk to his teammates outside of practice, and he rarely talked to the Foxes any more. Some were upset that he’d broken up with Matt, some were just too busy, others he actively ignored.

It was okay, Neil had lived most of his life alone. He could do it again. He smothered the burning embers of want in his stomach and trudged forward a day at a time, focusing only on the next practice, the next game, the next season.

He woke up on Christmas morning to three text messages. One was from his coach wishing everyone on the team a Merry Christmas, the next was from Allison, saying she was in town and they needed to get coffee before she went back upstate, and the third was from Matt:

_My mom asked where you are… I may have not told her we broke up._

There was an endless void where Neil’s stomach used to be, and his hands shook a little as he read the message. Truth be told, he missed Matt fiercely. His missed his laugh, his gentle hands, the warmth of his smile, his soft kisses, his spark of personality. Neil swallowed heavily.

_Why didn’t you tell her?_

_She loves you._  Matt responded.

 _You need to tell her._  Neil sent back.

It was a while before Matt responded.  _Do I? We can talk Neil. We can work this out._

Neil’s fingers trembled as he typed back.  _No we can’t Matt. We’re done. You need to leave it alone._

Neil waited to see if Matt would text back, almost holding his breath. Matt didn’t. Neil put his phone on his nightstand and went for a run, trying to clear his head. When that didn’t work he headed home and put a movie on in the living room and tried to ignore the dull thump of his heart. He struggled to remember to eat, and only did so when his stomach cramped so hard it made him shake.

He decided to go to bed early, even though he knew he wouldn’t sleep, and went to his bedroom. His phone had only one more text alert. Another message from Matt:

_But I miss you._

Neil clenched his eyes shut and steeled his nerves. He deleted the messages and turned his phone off, and then he slipped into bed, pulling the covers up to his chin. He felt cold all over, but he knew all the blankets in the world wouldn’t save him from this chill. He closed his eyes and counted to a hundred in every language that he knew until he finally fell into a fitful slumber.


	16. Page 15:  [text] oh, right. i probably wasn’t good enough anyway. (Jerejean)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: [Text] Oh, right. I probably wasn't good enough anyway.
> 
> Warnings: angst
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Nov. 13, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

The text lit up Jean’s screen in the dark.  _Oh, right. I probably wasn’t good enough anyway_. It was a glaring reminder of Jean’s failure, that Jeremy thought Jean hated him, that Jeremy thought Jean didn’t want him. It was the complete opposite of the truth and Jean choked under the weight of his own lies and walls.

Jean typed back a hundred messages, a thousand.

_I’m sorry._

_I didn’t mean it._

_You were always too good for me._

_I loved you._

_I still do._

_Come home._

He deleted them all before he could press send, before he could make the biggest mistake of his life. Letting Jeremy go hadn’t been a mistake, letting him in the first place had been.


	17. Page 16: [text] i keep dreaming of you and i hate you but god i don’t want to leave you (Jerejean)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: [text] I keep dreaming of you and I hate you but god I don't want to leave you
> 
> Warnings: Jean had a panic attack off screen prompting his texts
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Nov. 13, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

Jean Moreau:  [txt] I keep dreaming of you and I hate you but god I don’t want to leave you

Jeremy Knox: [txt] Jean, what are you talking about?

Jean Moreau: [txt] I hate you. I hate your damn hair and your perfect teeth. I hate your smile and how soft your hands are. I hate the way you shake me awake from nightmares and that damn nightlight you bought for the bedroom. I hate that you make me feel safe. I hate everything about you.

Jeremy Knox: [txt] Oh Jean…

Jean Moreau: [txt] Don’t.

Jeremy Knox: [txt] I know you’re scared querido, but I love you and I’m not going anywhere.

Jean Moreau: [txt] Fuck you.

Jeremy Knox: [txt] I’ll be home soon Jean, it’s going to be okay.

Jean Moreau: [txt] …okay…


	18. Page 17: “Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they’d lock us up?” (Andreil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: “Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they’d lock us up?”
> 
> Warnings: None
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted July 6, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

Andrew, Neil, and Renee make slow laps around the inner court. Today, Renee and Andrew are discussing the pros and cons of using an automatic pistol versus a semi automatic. Neil is sure it stemmed from their Zombie Apocalypse prep discussion, but he’s not sure how. 

“In any event,” Renee says, gesturing at Andrew, “You wouldn’t use a firearm in a Zombie Apocalypse in the first place. It would attract too much attention from the horde.”

“But what if you were backed into a corner?” Neil asks. 

It’s the first time Neil has really participated in this conversation. Andrew looks at him, but Renee doesn’t allow the conversation to slow. “Even in an emergency situation you shouldn’t use it, it’ll just attract unwanted attention.” Renee replies.

From there the conversation spirals into the best type of melee weapon to use, (Andrew: Short knife. Neil: Crowbar. Renee: Machete.) and then the merits of using a bladed weapon versus a blunt weapon, from there the different types of spray patterns of blood when striking a person, and then the best places to hide a dead body.

“Do you think if people heard our conversations they’d lock us up?” Neil asks.

Andrew snorts.

“It’s just a hypothetical situation, Neil.” Renee says gently.

“We know a lot of hypothetical ways to kill a person.” Neil replies, “And a lot of hypothetical ways to get away with murder.”

“If it wasn’t hypothetical you’d be dead by now,” Andrew says. “Your body would be at the bottom of a lake.”

“Not his whole body,” Renee says, “it makes the body too easy to identify if you leave it all in one place.”

It’s so absurd, Renee with her gentle voice and hand twisting her cross between delicate fingers, that Neil starts laughing. Andrew doesn’t laugh but the corner of his mouth tilts up and he says, “You’re attracting attention, Josten.”

After Neil settles again it’s quiet for a beat, then Renee starts talking about the plants she’s growing on the window sill in her dorm. Neil’s fingers brush Andrew’s as they walk, and he can’t keep the smile off his face.


	19. Page 18: “Don’t apologize. that’s not the point. did you mean it?” (Andreil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: “Don’t apologize. That’s not the point. Did you mean it?”
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted July 12, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

The first time Neil says it, he doesn’t think about it. They’re up on the roof, a handful of inches between them, Andrew with his feet dangling over the ledge and Neil right there beside him. Neil likes watching Andrew in these quiet moments. Andrew so rarely looks relaxed but Neil thinks this might be close, with the lazy way he’s holding his cigarette between his lips, his hands resting on his lap between his thighs, his half-lidded stare. Neil’s staring and he know Andrew hates it but he can’t help himself. He can’t help the way he looks at Andrew and thinks about the home he’s been allowed to have, the promise of safety and stability from someone who looks and him and  _understands_.

Andrew reaches a hand up to his mouth and pulls the cigarette away, watching Neil from the corner of his eye. “What?” He asks irritably.

“I love you.” Neil blurts.

Andrew’s shoulders go tense and he turns his head to stare at Neil. He doesn’t say anything for a long time and Neil grapples with the words he wants to say. “Do you mean that?” Andrew finally asks, expression guarded and borderline angry.

“I’m sorry I-“

“Don’t apologize.” Andrew says. “That’s not the point. Did you mean it?”

“Yes.” Neil says this without hesitation. He knows for a fact that he loves Andrew, that he’s loved Andrew for a very long time. He knows that Andrew is important, the very center of his universe. He knows Andrew is the glue that holds all the broken and tattered pieces of him together. Andrew says he hates him when Neil knows he doesn’t care enough about anything to hate it. Andrew told him to stay when he should have told him to run, gave him the key to his house and his car and called it home, let Neil touch him when he pushed everyone else away.

Andrew is Neil’s everything, and maybe love doesn’t do that justice.

Andrew is still staring at Neil, his face blank, and in those moments a ball of anxiety eats its way through Neil’s stomach and up to his throat. Fear, that maybe he doesn’t mean as much to Andrew as he thinks he does. That he doesn’t mean as much to Andrew as Andrew means to him. That maybe Andrew doesn’t need Neil like Neil needs Andrew.

It’s a thought Neil doesn’t want to entertain, but one that infects his brain the longer the silence between them stretches.

Finally, Andrew turns his eyes away and Neil feels himself crumble a little.

“You don’t have to say it back.” Neil says, breaking the silence. “I don’t expect you to. But I do want you to know that I love you.”

Andrew’s still looking off to the side. The only movement he makes is to stub out his cigarette.

“I won’t say it again if you don’t want me to.”

“Do what you want.” Andrew finally says, but his shoulders relax. Andrew reaches over to remove the cigarette from between Neil’s fingers and stub it out as well. The ball of anxiety in Neil’s stomach only releases when Andrew stands and reaches a hand out to Neil, pulling him into standing position, and then doesn’t let go, pulling him by his hand back to their room.

The second time Neil says it is after he jerks awake from a nightmare. The dream itself forgotten but the terror clinging to him as he bolts upright in bed, trying to suck air into his lungs. Andrew is already awake next to him, but doesn’t reach for him until Neil breathes a hoarse “yes” without the usual prompt.

Andrew presses Neil gently back into the sheets but leaves his hand resting on Neil’s chest, right over his heart. Neil reaches one hand up to grab Andrew’s fingers, hanging on to them like a lifeline. Andrew doesn’t often soothe him with words on nights like these, just allows Neil to hang on to him until he’s strong enough to hold himself up again.

Andrew scoots close enough to rest his head on Neil’s pillow, and he runs his thumb soothingly over Neil’s heart. Neil turns his head just enough to press his face into Andrew’s hair and breathe in the scent of his shampoo. “I love you,” Neil breathes, barely a whisper.

“I know.” Andrew says in return, pressing his lips briefly to Neil’s bare shoulder.

And Neil starts to think maybe, one day, Andrew might be okay enough to say it back to him. But right now, this is enough.


	20. Page 19: Does Neil love Andrew? (Andreil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: None
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: G

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Aug 8, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

When Nicky asks Neil gently, tentatively if Neil loves Andrew, he has to take a moment to pause. Andrew is everything to Neil. He is home, a reason to stay. He is the rock, steady and true, in the middle of the unrelenting ocean that is Neil Josten. 

Love. 

Love is complicated. It’s messy. Love has always been his mother curled up beside him at night to assure herself he’s still there. Love was her hands leaving bruises on his skin for kissing girls. Love was her solid grip on his wrist, making him repeat promises to her that he would run, that he wouldn’t let his father find him, that he would never be himself. Love was burning her body to ash and filling a backpack with her bones and burying them. 

Neil associates love with a figure looming over him, with harsh words in the middle of the night and “ _I’m doing this for you_.”

Love is black as night, poison in his veins and he chokes at the thought of associating that with Andrew. Andrew is gold and red, a hand on the back of his neck and teeth on his skin and a key pressed into his palm. Andrew is “ _stay_ ” and love has always meant “ _go_ ”.

“Neil, do you love Andrew?”

_Neil do you love him?  
_

_Neil do you?  
_

_But do you love him?_

“No.” 

There’s hurt in Nicky’s eyes at that. Of the thought of his cousin and his friend not being in love. Neil can’t find the words to explain that Andrew is so much more than that. There is no word that describes what he feels for Andrew. That it feels like he’s pulled apart his ribcage in an effort to fit Andrew inside of him. How do you explain to someone that another person feels like the missing half of your heart, or your very soul?

It feels a hell of a lot like falling, Neil thinks. The act of putting your faith in another person. Trusting someone with all your messy bits and pieces and believing they won’t just throw them away. Neil’s never been afraid of heights, but he’s afraid of falling. 

In the end though, he knows Andrew will catch him. Andrew has always been there to catch him.

“It’s more than that.” Neil says, after a long silent moment.”It’s so much more.”

And Nicky smiles, because he thinks he understands.


	21. Page 20: Andreil’s last night before Neil leaves for his last year at PSU (Andreil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Andreil prompt (if you're taking them): andreil's last night before Neil leaves for palmetto without Andrew for his final year of school....
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Aug 14, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

_I don’t know what I’m going to do without you_ , says the brush of Neil’s finger tips over Andrew’s jaw. Lying in bed, staring at each other, for what’ll be the last time for months. Neil has one more year left at Palmetto, Andrew is starting his pro career on a team in California. Neil doesn’t even want to sleep, he just wants to stare at Andrew all night and commit every detail of his face to memory. 

The soft bow of his lips. The small crease in his forehead. Long, blond eyelashes and hazel gold eyes. Andrew turns his face just enough to rest his cheek against Neil’s palm. “Go to sleep, Neil.” Andrew says, because it’s past midnight and Neil has a flight to South Carolina leaving at seven in the morning.

But how can Neil sleep when this is the last time he’ll get to see Andrew’s face before Christmas break. What do you do when you make your home inside of a person and that person is no longer by your side? 

“Not tired yet.” Neil replies, running his thumb along Andrew’s cheekbone.

“At least close your eyes.” Andrew says. “Stop staring at me like some kind of creep.”

Neil does not close his eyes. Instead he counts the small freckles that have popped up over the years, finds constellations in the ones that dart over the bridge of Andrew’s nose, sees the galaxy in the ones that hide in the hollow of his throat. “It’s going to be different without you being in the goal this year.” Neil says.

 _Is that all you can talk about_ , says the arch of Andrew’s eyebrow. Neil suppresses a smile.

“I am going to be in the goal this year, just not yours.”

“Smart ass.”

“Junkie.”

Neil scoffs a little, a mimic of Andrew’s own scoff, and his hand drifts down to Andrew’s neck. Andrew catches Neil’s hand and holds it in his own, squeezing briefly.

“I’ll miss you.” Neil whispers, eyes darting from Andrew’s face to their clasped hands.

Andrew rubs his thumb over Neil’s knuckles. “I’ll be right here.” Andrew says, because it’s true. Andrew will be right here, in California, just a phone call away. It’s feels like the distance between the Earth and the Sun at that moment. “Hey.” Andrew whispers.

Neil draws his gaze back up to Andrew’s face. He’s honestly not sure if Andrew is even real, or if he’s just a statue sculpted out of marble. 

“Yes or no?” Andrew asks, tilting his face closer to Neil’s.

“Yes, Andrew. Every time, yes.” Neil breathes and Andrew presses their lips together.

 _This._  Neil thinks. This is what he’s going to miss. Andrew’s lips on his, firm and chapped and warm.  _This._  All consuming heat and Andrew’s hand in his own.  _This._  Light gasping breaths and the need to get closer, to crawl inside of each other and live there.  _This._   _Home._  This is what Neil doesn’t want to leave, what he doesn’t want to forget.

Andrew lets go of Neil’s hand and cups the back of his neck before drawing his face away. Neil tries to chase after him but Andrew squeezes the back of his neck softly in warning and Neil stills. “Go to sleep. You have to go in the morning.”

Neil hates that word, but he closes his eyes anyway and makes himself small, tucking his face down into Andrew’s neck. Andrew’s breath is warm on the top of his head, and his hand is petting gently at the back of Neil’s neck and top of his spine. 

“Get this year over with and then you can come home.”

_Home._

Neil shakes and lets Andrew hold him together.


	22. Page 21: Andreil + discussion about afterlife (Andreil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: I know you have like a thousand of my prompts to get to, but it's 3:05 pm and I got caught thinking about Andreil.. Do they believe in an after life?? Like, I know they're not for religion, but do they have hope that they will see each other again in another life or?? When do they have that talk?
> 
> Warnings: discussion of death
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Aug 19, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

“What do you think happens when you die?” is a conversation that gets brought up during a walk with Renee. It stems from the zombie apocalypse conversation and Neil is genuinely interested in what Renee and Andrew think. Neil has spent most of his life thinking about death and what might happen after, it’s interesting to have other people’s opinions and perspectives on the subject.

“Nothing.” Andrew grunts. 

“Do you really believe that?” Neil asks.

“When you die it’s game over,” Andrew replies, “No ‘insert coin’ screen and a main menu. No final credits sequence. You are, and then you cease to be. That’s all.”

“I can’t accept that,” Renee says, “I respect your opinion on the matter, but I believe there has to be an afterlife.” She reaches up and touches her cross gently, more out of instinct than to draw attention to it. “I think it’s comforting, to know that when you die you’ll get to go to heaven. That you’ll get to see your friends and family again.”

Andrew looks at Neil and raises an eyebrow. Neil shrugs in response. “It’s a nice sentiment, Renee.” Neil says.

She smiles kindly. “And you, Neil? What do you think?”

“I’ve never decided.” Neil says after a moment of thought. “I don’t know. Maybe there is something after death, maybe there’s not. I’d like to think there is.”

Andrew scoffs but Neil bumps their hands together.

Later that night, on the roof, surrounded by the comforting smell of smoke and Andrew’s body heat, Neil lets himself think back on the conversation. “You really don’t think anything happens when you die?” Neil asks, his arm curled around his own legs, his shoulder pressed against Andrew’s.

They’re side by side, Andrew letting his legs dangle off the roof, hunched forward but not looking at the ground. Andrew looks over at Neil, drawing his gaze away from the burning end of his cigarette. “I don’t think it matters. It’s just death.”

Neil unwraps his arm from his legs and takes Andrew’s hand in his own, running his thumb over the knuckles. “It’d be nice to see some people again.” Neil hums, bringing Andrew’s hand up to his mouth and pressing a kiss to the back of it, then running his thumb over the spot like he wants to rub it out, or rub it in. “It’d be nice to see you again, at least.”

Andrew goes tense beside him and Neil waits him out, he begins to untangle his hand from Andrew’s to give him space but Andrew clamps down on his hand so Neil just goes still. Finally, Andrew seems to work out whatever thoughts he’s having and his shoulders relax, his grip on Neil’s hand relents. “I see enough of you as it is. Death would give me some peace and quiet.”

Neil laughs, softly, and his shoulder bumps into Andrew’s and Andrew lets him.


	23. Page 22: Andrew realizing Neil is his (Andreil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Hey! I'm glad you're (semi) back! I know you're probably inundated with prompts so please take your time, but could you write about the first time Andrew realizes that Neil is his? And he doesn't have to give him up? Thank you ily so much!!!
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Oct 3, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

**A series of moments:**  Neil, freshly back from Baltimore with bandages covering elbows down to slender wrists and delicate fingers, and Andrew with his knuckles scabbed over, clutching Neil’s hoodie. Andrew, having not slept in two nights, staying up several more hours in the living room of Matt Boyd’s dorm just to watch Neil sleep. Neil, on his knees and somehow still spitting insults through stuttered breaths and the sick crack of Andrew’s racquet against Riko’s arm. Andrew, placing Neil’s hands on his chest and breathing a yes across kiss swollen lips. Neil, his head pressed against Andrew’s shoulder, breathing warmly against pale skin and Andrew clutching Neil tighter to him. Andrew, pressing the key to their apartment into Neil’s hand, kissing him to he doesn’t have to hear the reverence in Neil’s voice when he whispers “thank you”. Neil, clutching a letter in his shaking hands, reading the offer over and over until the words blur, and Andrew grabbing his hands firmly and he doesn’t have to say anything at all.

Depending on how you looked at it, Andrew Minyard had always known that Neil Josten belonged to him. But knowing something and accepting it aren’t the same feeling, and Andrew could almost never accept that Neil wouldn’t someday just pack his things and walk out the door. Neil was a good that Andrew had never experienced, or, more accurately, he was a good that Andrew had never been allowed to  _keep_. Waking up every morning with Neil facing him, features soft and vulnerable, always made his heart flutter weakly in his chest no matter how hard he tried to push the feeling away. And when Neil woke up, eyelashes fluttering and blue eyes kind and warm, Neil would mumble “morning” with a smile he didn’t even realize he was giving and Andrew had to kiss him despite their awful morning breath.

Andrew had been in the dark for a long time, stuck at the bottom of a well with the light so dim he couldn’t even see it anymore. He had a rope, but no desire to climb out. What was the point? If he ever reached the top he’d just get thrown back to the bottom. Cass had been the first light he’d ever attempted to climb to reach, and the fall had almost killed him. Neil had been the second. He’d been in the dark so long he’d forgotten what the warmth of the sun was like, but it had to be the same as Neil’s smile and his hands buried in Andrew’s hair. And Neil had the audacity to look at Andrew like Andrew was the sun, like Andrew was only thing in the world that made sense. It felt  _wrong_ , Andrew could never be enough for anyone.

But there was always a moment, any time Andrew let his gaze fall on Neil, that Andrew’s heart whispered “mine” from the dark confines of his chest. Because Neil was, wasn’t he? Despite everything, despite everything that Andrew thought Neil deserved, Neil turned to him every time. Neil chose him every time.

So Andrew traced the word over abdomen. Kissed it into the soft skin of his thighs. Breathed it into mouth when Neil was strung out and floating beneath him. Bit it into the back of his neck with a dark, pulsing bruise. Thought it like a prayer when their fingers brushed.

_Mine, mine, mine._

Because this was something Andrew Minyard had been allowed to keep, something that was proving itself not to be a pipe dream but a solid and honest truth. He’d known it since he bust through that hotel room door in Baltimore, that Neil Josten belonged to him, body, mind, and soul; and Andrew was never letting go.


	24. Page 23: [text] you’re dead to me (Andreil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: [text] you're dead to me
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: G

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Nov 8, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

Neil Josten: [txt] I forgot your hot chocolate at the store. I’ll pick you some up later.  
  
Andrew Minyard: [txt] You’re dead to me.

Neil Josten: [txt] You have like three boxes in the cabinet.

Andrew Minyard: [txt] Not the right kind.

Neil Josten: [txt] Seriously? What brand are in there?

Andrew Minyard: [txt] Swiss Miss.

Neil Josten: [txt] Those have the little marshmallows you like.

Andrew Minyard: [txt] Wrong. The marshmallows taste like cardboard. Go get Nestle.

Neil Josten: [txt] Andrew I’m literally in the parking lot, I’m not driving back to the store to get one thing.

Andrew Minyard: [txt] You won’t be getting just one thing. I just dumped all your frozen vegetables in the trash.

Neil Josten: [txt] I swear to god…


	25. Page 24: "You're just...so, so stupid." (Andreil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: “you’re just… so, so stupid” or "zero fucks given. next please” from andrew pls!
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Feb 9, 2017 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

Good mornings were still something relatively new for Andrew Minyard, as was the sight of Neil Josten stretched out beside him, hand curled into the pillow and eyelashes brushing his cheekbones. There was still the inevitable flinch Andrew experienced in the dark moment before full wakefulness when he could feel the weight of another person in his bed but couldn’t remember who they were. And then that moment passed and Andrew thought “oh”. Oh, because even after years together Neil still made Andrew just a little breathless. Still made his heart ache just that little but more. It was “oh there you are, hello the other part of me”, but Andrew couldn’t let himself say that, didn’t even want to feel that, so he settled on “oh”. 

It never took Neil long to wake after Andrew did. Instinct born from too many years of sleeping lightly in strange places to keep himself safe. There were just a few moments of stillness after Andrew woke, a few moments were he allowed his gaze to freely trace the lines and dips of Neil’s face, before Neil’s eyes fluttered open and met with Andrew’s. Neil’s eyes were always startlingly focused even after just waking up. “Good morning,” Neil said, tone soft and rough still with the edges of sleep.

Andrew hummed in response, tilting his head some to press their foreheads together. “Shut up,” Andrew said, because Neil was too soft and his expression was too open and full of something they both felt but never talked about.

Neil scrunched his nose up, “What’d I say?”

“Nothing,” Andrew said, reaching a hand up to cradle Neil’s jaw and let his fingers trace over the rough stubble, “You’re just…so, so stupid.” He sighed.

A laugh bubbled up past Neil’s lips and ghosted morning breath across Andrew’s face. It wasn’t pleasant, but it also was not unwelcome. “Already?” Neil asked, “We just woke up.”

“Always,” Andrew intoned somberly and tipped Neil’s face down to kiss him.


	26. Page 25: “I don’t care that it’s 2 am we need pie” (Andreil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: andreil - 28.“I don’t care that it’s 2:00 am, we need pie.” 
> 
> Warnings: outsider pov
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted July 16, 2017 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

“I don’t care that it’s 2am, we need pie.” Andrew says, slipping out from under the covers.

Neil groans softly into the crook of his arm and raises his head just enough to send a glare Andrew’s way. Andrew just raises an eyebrow and Neil sighs, kicking at the covers childishly to shove them down the bed.

“That’s attractive,” Andrew says.

Neil sticks out his tongue in response and grabs a shirt off the floor. He sniffs at it and frowns but tugs it on over his head anyway. “We need to do laundry,” he mumbles, still half asleep.

“You need to do laundry,” Andrew replies, tugging on a pair of soft white arm bands, “I’ve done mine.”

Neil slides a pair of sweatpants up his legs, they’re probably Andrew’s judging by the way the hem stops just a little too short but he can’t bring himself to care. 

Andrew slips out of the room and Neil follows. They both stop at the front door to tug on their shoes and grab their wallets from the end table then they’re out and walking towards the driveway, Neil just a few steps behind Andrew because he stops to lock the door but he makes up distance quickly.

They climb into the Maserati at the same time. Andrew in the driver’s seat and Neil in the passenger’s but Neil barely has time to buckle his seat belt before Andrew is pulling out of the drive.

Columbia is quiet at 2am on a Wednesday night. Andrew bypasses two gas stations in favor of a local all night diner. He careens into the parking lot a parks across two parking spots and is out the door before Neil can get his seat belt off.

“You’re the worst,” Neil says, catching up with Andrew before they get to the front door.

Andrew shrugs and throws open the door to the diner.

-

It’s 2:25am and honestly? Rebecca hates her job. The overnight shift at The Hub is the most boring snooze-fest she’s ever had to work, but, she supposes, it beats being harassed in bars or strip joints. But god, even the shift-differential doesn’t help when she’s not getting tips because no one in their right mind goes to a diner at half past 2 in the morning.

She busy drawing crude penises on the corner of a napkin when she hears the screech of tires on the asphalt outside. Rebecca looks up, startled, and sees a person slamming the door of a car that looks far too expensive to be parked in their parking lot. Another person gets out a second later and catches up to the first and Rebecca plasters on her work smile as the first one throws the door open.

“Hello!” She calls cheerfully, “Welcome to the Hub!”

The two men in front of her are significantly shorter than she is. One is blonde and looks blank as a mask, the other is red-headed and scarred all to hell. She doesn’t let her eyes focus on the thick scarring on the red-head’s cheek, though her eyes do dart to it.

“Just the two of you then?” She asks, pulling a couple of menus from the hostess stand.

The blonde waves a hand dismissively, “We don’t need menus. Do you have any pie left?”

 _‘Asshole,’_ Rebecca thinks but her smile never wavers, “Probably. I can go check.”

The man waves his hand again and angry heat simmers through Rebecca’s veins but she turns and walks back toward the kitchen. She hears the taller, red-head hiss  _“Andrew”_  as she walks away and she takes ten seconds to herself in the kitchen to mutter, “We don’t need menus,” under her breath.

As it turns out, they do have two slices of chocolate pie and one slice of cherry left. She grabs all three and a can of whip cream because there’s not a manager around to tell her not to and salutes the cook who’s playing candy crush on his phone as she walks back out. 

The two men have seated themselves at the back corner of the diner and neither one of them look at her as she walks over. Rebecca places the three plates down and says, “This is all we have left. I’d have to throw it out at the end of the night anyway so have at it.”

The blonde man grabs the whip cream and sprays an honestly disgusting amount of it onto a piece of chocolate pie and the red haired man says “thank you” without really looking at her.

“Do you want any water or coffee or anything?” She asks.

The blonde says, “no,” just as the red-head says “a water, yes.”

Rebecca nods politely and walks away. With her back turned she rolls her eyes and goes to get a glass of water. She brings it back to the red-head and says “you’re welcome” when he thanks her.

Rebecca heads back to the hostess stand and goes back to doodling on her napkin. She glances in their direction from time to time. The blonde is still smearing disgusting amounts of whip cream all over his chocolate pie and the red-head is taking small bites of the cherry. She glances over once to see the red-head swipe a bit of cream on the blonde’s nose and almost laughs out loud at the unimpressed look on the blonde man’s face.

They’re actually kind of cute, Rebecca decides, and at least they’re not noisy or drunk. When their plates are empty Rebecca comes over to collect them and says, “y’all have a good night.”

The red-head looks confused. “Don’t we still need to pay?” He asks.

Rebecca shrugs, “I was just going to trash these anyway. No one ever comes here this late. Don’t worry about it.”

“Are you sure?” The red-head says, “We don’t want you to get in trouble.”

“I’m sure,” Rebecca says, “It’s not a problem.”

The blonde man hums, searching her face, but Rebecca just shrugs again and tells them to have a good night. She takes the plates back into the kitchen and when she comes back out the two men are already gone. She hears the car outside peel out of the parking lot and she snorts a little.

She pulls a rag from the sanitizer bucket and freezes up a little when she gets to the table. In the middle of the table, trapped under a salt shaker, is a hundred dollar bill. She breathes out a shaky breath and puts the tip in her pocket. 

“Asshole,” She says under her breath, but it’s a feels more like an endearment than an insult.

And the next time Rebecca sees that Maserati pull up at half past 2 in the morning, her smile is a little less fake and far more genuine.


	27. Page 26: Sick!Andrew (Andreil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: None
> 
> Warnings: sick fic
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Aug 5, 2017 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

“your bedside manner is shit josten,” andrew says, voice raspy from coughing.

“well i learned that from my mother and trust me, hers was worse.” neil says, pressing a cold rag to andrew’s burning hot forehead.

“you’re going to get sick if you stay here,” andrew mutters.

“mmm,” neil hums, taking his hand away to grab a bottle of gatorade from the table and press it into andrew’s hand, “bet you’d love that.”

“you’re the worst.” andrew takes a drink from the bottle a grimaces at it, capping it and rolling it back to neil. “i hate the orange one.”

“you are the worst patient.” neil says, rolling his eyes and putting the bottle back on their nightstand.

it’s just past four in the morning and andrew’s been up for the last three hours coughing and just feeling like shit in general. neil’s getting sleepy eyed now, sitting next to him but refusing to fall asleep. “hey,” andrew says, balling up a hand in neil’s shirt and tugging to make him lay down.

neil goes with the urging, laying down next to andrew on top of the thick covers. “you need to sleep,” neil says, “it’s the only way you’ll start feeling better.”

“i would if you’d shut up,” andrew replies, keeping his hand fisted in neil’s shirt.

neil falls asleep like that, likely on accident, and andrew can feel the steady fall and rise of his chest moving his hand. andrew coughs a little into his pillow, and uses it to hide his face from the small smile that pulls at the corner of his mouth. “idiot,” he mumbles and lets neil’s soft breathing lull him to sleep.


	28. Page 27: Canon divergent ficlet + Neil being raised with Renee (Andreil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: None
> 
> Warnings: alternate canon
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Sept 2, 2017 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

There are two bullet holes in the bedroom walls, a crack in the mirror above the bathroom sink, and a scar along Neil Josten’s left hip all left from the night his mother and father both died. He doesn’t like to talk about it. The bullet holes get covered with picture frames, the mirror gets replaced, but Neil still bears that scar. Touching it brings back memories. The screaming, the shattering of glass, his father’s heavy footsteps. Two gun shots, and pain and blood then lights and sirens, gun shots from downstairs and just like that it’s over. Just like that Neil, with his mother’s laugh and father’s temper, is placed into foster care at ten years old.

It seems like a dream, now, more than ten years later. Safe in a dorm room at Palmetto State, his foster sister Renee just across the hall, and five hundred miles between him and Baltimore. It doesn’t feel real, Andrew brushing lips and fingers over that nasty scar but not asking, never asking. Andrew is careful, a byproduct of his own stint in the foster system with less than acceptable families. Andrew is not gentle, or soft, but he is oh so careful.

Andrew loves that scar, gravitates toward it despite telling Neil otherwise. He never calls it ugly, even though Neil knows it is, never shies away from it. Andrew never pushes Neil to explain where it came from, but under careful hands and blissful lips, Neil tells him anyway.

“I hate it,” Neil says, a hand carding through Andrew’s soft hair and resting, never pulling, on the back of his head.

Andrew settles between Neil’s legs, propping his chin up on Neil’s hip, just to the right of his scar. It’s surprisingly intimate for the two of them. Andrew’s hands rest on either side of Neil’s body, skimming up and down his rib cage.

Neil shivers but doesn’t break eye contact. “Did I tell you he tried to kill me, after he killed mom?” He doesn’t have to say the name, Andrew understands. 

Andrew’s hands tighten just a little where they’re holding him, betraying his shock and anger, but his face remains neutral. “No. Did you want to tell me?”

Neil combs his hands through Andrew’s hair, painstakingly gentle in a way he never thought he could be, “Yes.”

Andrew nods slightly, the sharp jut of his chin digging into Neil’s hip. His weight is comforting, grounding, and Neil restrains himself from pulling Andrew closer. Neil chew on his lip a little. Andrew has never shied away when confronted with the messy truth of Neil’s past. Andrew has carried the weight of his trauma, his nightmares, his anger at God and the world, and did so without complaint. Neil knows Andrew would listen and when Neil was out of words he would kiss that scar and pull Neil closer. With that in mind, the thought curling warm around his heart, Neil begins to speak.


	29. Page 28: Andreil + things you said at the kitchen table (Andreil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompts: things you said at the kitchen table
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Sept 15, 2017 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

Their kitchen table is more for decoration than anything, a catch-all for bills and cat toys, fan letters, receipts, and shopping bags. When something important is lost, the kitchen table is the first place to check. The chairs are only haphazardly pushed in and the fabric is covered with cat hair. It’s one of the things in their apartment that Neil loves without reason. The whole thing speaks of them, of belonging.

“You need to clean up your mess,” Andrew says, flicking a stray button off the table and onto the floor. Neil watches, amused, as Sir goes darting after it.

“It’s not a mess,” Neil argues, “just lived in.”

Andrew rolls his eyes but doesn’t push further. Instead he walks over to the pantry and pulls out a bag of chocolate covered pretzels that he won’t share with Neil. Andrew plops back down on one of the kitchen chairs and starts sucking the chocolate off the pretzel, obnoxiously licking all the chocolate before stuffing the whole thing in his mouth.

“You’re disgusting,” Neil says.

Andrew makes eye contact with Neil and opens his mouth, showing off the whole goopy mess. Neil snorts out a laugh and digs through a pile of papers to find his crossword puzzle. He’s struck, suddenly, with how bizarrely normal this all is. How bizarrely normal they are in this moment.

It’s been ten years since Neil Josten chose to stay, ten years since he was first given a key and a home and a family. He’s worked hard for this normal life, he and Andrew both have. 

Neil reaches a hand out, palm up and fingers relaxed, and smiles when Andrew doesn’t hesitate to take it. This is theirs forever, and Neil is never letting go.


	30. Page 29: "Electricity" (Andreil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: electricity
> 
> Warnings: alternate universe, x-men
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted on Jan 14, 2018 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

“Focus Neil, you have to focus.” Andrew said, “Feel it in your core, center it and guide it. It’s not an explosion, you have to control it.”

Neil took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. He constantly felt like a bomb about to go off, short fused and a live wire with electricity sparking through his veins. He closed his eyes, tried to feel for his power and pull it toward his chest instead of letting it course wildly through him. It felt like too much power at once, it felt like devastation. “I can’t,” Neil said through gritted teeth.

“You can,” Andrew said, no room for argument. “You can’t stay in your room the rest of your life. Get it under control.”

Neil clenched his jaw and drew his power in closer, tighter. Andrew wanted him to channel it out through his hand, the way Kevin did with fire. Neil tried to concentrate on pulling his power in, close to his heart, and then letting it travel down his left arm to his palm. It felt good for a split second, in his grasp and controlled, and then it lashed out wildly spitting out of his body in every direction. 

It would have set the room on fire had Neil’s room not been prepared for his power like this. Instead the lightning was absorbed and redirected, keeping the building safe from his explosion even if Neil didn’t feel safe from it. 

Neil dropped to his knees with a gasp, lightning still fizzing around his hands and chest like little currents.

“Well,” Andrew said from window peeking into Neil’s room, “That was dramatic.”

-

Neil’s powers had developed late in life. He’d been sixteen when he felt the lightning surge through him like a bad shock from a live electric fence. It had scared him bad enough that he’d sent the power outward, killing the car he was in and frying his own mother. He still smelled the charred smell of her sometimes at night, like it was burnt into his nostrils. 

He’d set fire to their car after that, buried his mother’s bones in a backpack on a beach in California and tried not to look back.

David Wymack found him a year later, holing up in some small town in Arizona and trying not to let himself explode. Wymack had a home for people like Neil, a place where they could hone their abilities and learn to control themselves. They were kind of like superheroes, Wymack called them the Foxes.

Neil didn’t feel like a superhero, confined to his rubber room until he managed to go at least one full day without sending lightning spiraling out from his body out of pain or anguish or desperation. Neil had met all of the Foxes from the window and speaker box Wymack had built into his room.

Dan, Wymack’s second in command, could control the weather. Her boyfriend Matt could freeze anything with a flick of his wrist. Dan’s roommate and former rival Renee could take the power of any person she touched, Neil had never seen her without her gloves on. Allison could manipulate light and shadows and travel through them. Allison’s boyfriend Seth could lift ten times his own weight. Kevin could light a candle with a touch of his finger or turn a building into an inferno with the lightest gesture. Nicky had some kind of pheromone that made people fall in love with him, people would fight to the death over him if he didn’t control it. Nicky’s cousin Aaron could heal broken bones and major cuts just by touching them. 

Aaron’s twin Andrew was the person Neil was most familiar with. Apparently Andrew had been tasked by Wymack to get Neil’s powers under control, so Andrew was at Neil’s window almost every day. Neil knew that Andrew liked sweets, liked driving cars, liked telling Kevin ‘no’. He knew that Andrew had killed his and Aaron’s mother because she wouldn’t stop beating Aaron. He knew Andrew had been on mood altering anti-psychotics for years that didn’t work like they were supposed to and left Andrew with a general distrust of medicine. He knew that Andrew was brave and dark and funny, that the Foxes didn’t trust him and Andrew didn’t give a shit as long as his family was safe. The only thing Neil didn’t know was what Andrew’s power was.

-

“It’s almost like you’re intent on not learning anything,” Andrew said.

“Fuck you,” Neil spat. He was sitting in the corner, knees drawn up and forehead resting against them with his arms locked around his legs. Exploding left him sick and exhausted, he didn’t have the patience for Andrew’s little quips.

“Not unless you ask nicely,” Andrew said.

Neil raised one shaky hand to give Andrew the view of his middle finger.

“You don’t learn anything because you refuse to,” Andrew said, “You have it set in your head that this is something you can’t control, so it’s something you don’t want to control. You let it overwhelm you and then you say you tried your hardest when we both know very well that you didn’t. The way you give up is tiresome. I expected better from someone with such a smart mouth.”

Neil snapped his head up, staring through the window at Andrew. “That’s easy for you to say,” Neil said, anger boiling up inside of him, “Sitting on the other side of that window; pretending to be an objective observer is easy when you have no stakes in the game. It’s how you’ve lived your entire life, isn’t it? Always observing instead of participating, never acting until it was too late. Nicky was beaten half to death before you found him outside of that club. Aaron’s mother had been abusing him for years and you never cared enough to stop it. It’s reactionary with you, sitting on the sidelines until someone finally calls enough is enough. You’re not half as good at control as you think you are. You let your anger get the best of you. Always over the top, going to far when you should stop. You try to look like you don’t care, like you know so much about the world and how it works, but you don’t know shit.”

“Are you angry Neil?” Andrew asked tauntingly, leaning up against the glass.

Neil shot out a hand, lightning bursting out and crashing against the glass, the crack of it was loud in his ears.

Andrew took a step back and inclined his chin. He didn’t need to say anything, his point had been made.

-

Andrew had been insufferable the week following the incident. Neil had finally shown he was able to guide his power, but he wasn’t able to replicate the experience. 

At the end of the week Andrew walked away from the glass, shoulders tense in the way Neil knew meant Andrew was annoyed. Neil sat himself on his bed, still angry with himself and at Andrew. A few minutes later he heard beeping from the keypad outside his bedroom door and then the door slid open. Andrew stepped inside and let the door close behind him.

Neil opened his mouth and then shut it. “Wh-?”

“I’m sick of you sitting in here and sulking,” Andrew said, “You’re going to shoot a bolt at that wall and I’m going to watch you do it and then you’re going to come outside with me.”

“Andrew if I explode I’m going to kill you.”

“Don’t explode then.”

“Andrew-”

“The only thing stopping you from doing this is yourself,” Andrew said, “So do it so I don’t have to come sit at your window and watch your pity party every day and we can move on with our lives.”

Neil drew in a deep breath, gritting his teeth. Andrew was fucking insufferable, a fucking bastard down to his core. “I hate you,” Neil said.

“The feeling’s mutual,” Andrew said, “Now do it.”

“If I kill you Wymack will probably throw me out.”

“You’re used to that runaway.”

“Renee would kill me before I made it to the door.”

“She would.”

“Your brother would probably bring me back to life just so they could skin me alive.”

“Aaron’s a medic not a necromancer.”

“We’re really doing this?”

“You don’t want to bore me, Josten.”

Neil closed his eyes, gathering up his power into his core, he ignored the warning bells that blared in his mind and breathed through it, imagining curling his power into a ball centered at the middle of his chest. He startled at he felt a hand press against his neck, thumb feeling the heartbeat pounding quick under his skin. Little currents of electricity buzzed over where Andrew touched him and Neil’s breathing stuttered a little. 

“Guide it out, through your hand and to the wall.” Andrew said, thumb tapping in time with his pulse.

Neil lifted his hand and opened his eyes, staring at Andrew. He could feel the electricity shifting, running up and down his arm, pooling in the palm of his hand. Andrew never looked away. 

“Andrew,” Neil said.

“Now, Neil,” Andrew said.

The lightning leapt from his palm with a crack, sizzling across the room and exploding and absorbing against the wall. Andrew squeezed his neck once and then let his hand fall away. 

“How?” Neil asked.

“How what?” Andrew asked.

“How did you know I was going to do that? How were you sure I wouldn’t kill you?”

“Because I’m a great teacher,” Andrew said, taking a step away from Neil and looking away, “Besides, you couldn’t kill me if you wanted to. That’s my power.”

“You’re immortal?”

Andrew muttered something under his breath and then said, “No, idiot, I can survive anything. Literally anything. Wymack suspects I’ll age like normal and just die at some point in my sleep.”

“Oh,” Neil said. Then after a second he said, “That’s actually really fitting for you.”

“Shut up,” Andrew said, “You’re prettier when you’re not talking.”

Neil felt like that static shock was back, buzzing under his skin, “You think I’m pretty?”

“I think you’re irritating,” Andrew said, “Now go tell Wymack you’re cured or whatever. I’m going outside to smoke.”

Andrew went to Neil’s door and typed a code into the keypad. The door swung open and Andrew left, the door staying propped open behind him. Neil watched him go, a hundred questions he wanted answers to but not knowing how to phrase the questions.

Neil was getting better with his control, enough so that Andrew thought he could leave the safety of his walled off bedroom. The Foxes liked him enough to visit him daily, to tell him stories about their lives even if he didn’t tell them much about his. Neil had his own room, a place he was allowed to call home, people he was allowed to get to know. People who would protect him. And Andrew, Andrew who thought Neil was pretty. Andrew who knew the most about Neil, who didn’t flinch at all the messy parts of him and instead accepted it and carried on with it. There was something here that felt like safety, that felt like hope. 

Hope was a disquieting feeling, but Neil thought maybe it was something he could get used to.


	31. Page 30: "Rome" (Andreil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt:Hey babe!! Long time no chat! Hope all is well! Could you do andreil and Rome? (Number 74, I think?) **sends all her love**
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted on Jan 24, 2017 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

“They don’t serve lunch this early in the day, you’re just going to have to wait.” Andrew says.

“How are Italians going to claim to have the best food and not even let me eat it,” Neil complains, “I never did like being in Europe.”

That’s not entirely true. Neil enjoyed Germany and Spain; he likes Italy well enough too, even if he spends more time staring at Andrew than the sprawling countryside. Andrew continues on, unmoved, and pulls a lollipop from his pocket. He unwraps it and stuffs the wrapper in Neil’s back pocket, letting the lollipop rest in his mouth pressed against his cheek. 

“Where next?” Neil asks, “The Colosseum?”

Andrew nods and they head up the winding streets of Rome together. A pack of tourists rush past them, jostling Neil into Andrew with barely an ‘excuse me’. Neil opens his mouth to say something but is distracted by Andrew’s hand slipping into his.

“Shut up,” Andrew says, “We’re on vacation.”

Neil’s grin in blinding and Andrew knocks their shoulders together. 

They take their time walking around the outskirts of the Colosseum, milling about with other tourists. Neil finds a vendor selling something fried and sweet and buys two. Andrew never lets go of his hand and Neil squeezes back, too full of something warm and sticky in his chest to contain it properly. 

“Come on,” Neil says, “Let’s go inside.”

They toss their trash in a nearby bin and join up with a tour group. The guide tells them different historical facts, some Neil already knows but most that he doesn’t, his voice echoing off of chamber walls. Neil’s studying a crumbling wall when Andrew takes his hand away. 

Neil brushes his hand off on his pants, getting rid of warm sweat that had started to gather on between their palms when Andrew grabs him by the wrist. Andrew says “Neil” and presses something into his hand.  

It’s small and the metal is warm from the heat of Italian summer and Andrew’s pocket. Neil brings his hand up and examines the ring, a simple white gold band with no diamonds or embellishments and finds himself speechless. 

Andrew does not look away, nor does he look anything but impassive and bored, though his eyes are warm. “Yes or no?” Andrew asks.

“I-” Neil cuts himself off, shock turning into warm affection trickling from his head to his heart. “Yeah,” Neil breathes and then firmly, “Yes, Andrew.”

Andrew nods, like their conducting a business deal and not a proposal. He takes the ring from Neil’s palm and slides it onto his left hand ring finger. Neil’s breath hitches when Andrew brings his hand up to kiss the ring. Neil catches Andrew’s jaw before he can pull away and pulls him up for a kiss. 

“I can’t believe you proposed in Rome,” Neil says when he pulls away.

Andrew hums and slots their hands back together, tugging Neil along with him to catch back up to their tour group.

“You proposed in the Colosseum,” Neil says.

Andrew hums in affirmation again.

“You’re an asshole,” Neil says, “I was going to propose in Milan. I don’t even have the ring with me.”

“Gotta be faster than that Josten,” Andrew says, “You should have done it in Paris.”

“Paris is a cliche,” Neil says, “Rome is a close second. I can’t believe you.”

Andrew shrugs and Neil holds his hand a little tighter. 

“Since you proposed first you have to buy me dinner,” Neil says, “It’s tradition.”

Andrew sighs, put upon, “If I knew you were going to be insufferable about this I wouldn’t have bothered to ask.”

“You should have killed me when you had the chance,” Neil says, “Now you’re stuck with me.”

“Yes,” Andrew says and squeezes his hand, “I suppose I am.”


	32. Page 31: "Violin" (Andreil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: If you're still doing the 100 one word prompt : Andreil with 41. Jellyfish or 90. Violin ? :)
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Feb 19, 2017 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

Neil’s next door neighbor is the most obnoxious person he’s ever had the misfortune of living next to. To be fair, his neighbor can’t possibly know that Neil tries to sleep during the day and stays up all night writing code, but that doesn’t make Neil hate him any less. It’s that damn violin that’s the problem. Sure, they play it beautifully, but they play it for hours on end and Neil just wants some damn peace and quiet.

They’re playing Vivaldi when Neil finally decides enough is enough. Neil throws back his sheets and storms out of his bedroom. His cat, Sir, startled by his sudden movement, comes running after him. Neil wrenches open his front door, Sir trailing after him and batting at the frayed hem of his pant leg, and bangs on his neighbor’s front door.

There’s a beat where the violin stops and then a few seconds before the door opens on an unimpressed looking blonde man. He’s shorter than Neil but wider with arms that look like their built for lugging heavy weight instead of making beautiful music. Neil finds himself startled into silence as he often is when in the presence of a beautiful person but quickly finds his voice, “Do you have to do that in the middle of the fucking day?”

His neighbor raises an eyebrow, “As opposed to what? Playing in the middle of the night?”

“I  _sleep_ in the day,” Neil hisses.

“That sounds like your problem,” The man says and slams his door in Neil’s face.

“Asshole,” Neil says.

Sir chirps in agreement. Neil bends down to pick him up and carries him back into the apartment. He toes the door closed behind himself and lays down on the couch, Sir curling up in the small of his back, so maybe they can nap a little longer before he has to get up and start working again.

The sounds of a violin is muffled from another room away, but Neil can hear it slow and sweet. It sounds like a lullaby. “Asshole,” Neil mumbles again, but finds himself drifting off in the warm sprawl of sunlight across his couch.

When Neil wakes again the sun is close to setting and he rubs his sleepy eyes with his hand. Sir kneeds at him, whining for his dinner. “Okay, okay,” Neil says, pushing Sir off onto the floor and ignoring his hiss of indignation. He gets up but his eyes are drawn to a sheet of paper pushed under the crack of his front door. He walks over and picks it up.

The note reads  _9am-11am, 6pm-8pm. No discussion._

Neil stares at it for a long time before realizing his neighbor is giving him his practice times so Neil can sleep around it. He snorts and brings it over to his fridge, pinning it to the door with a magnet shaped like a sleeping fox. He makes Sir his dinner before crafting his own note.

_Fine. Hey, know any Bach?_

He slips out into the hallway and slips it under his neighbor’s door before heading back into his apartment to make something to eat before he has to start work. The reply doesn’t come until much later but when it does Neil can’t stop the smile that tugs at the corner of his mouth.

_Don’t be an idiot._


	33. Page 32: “I’ve seen the way you look at me when you think I don’t notice” (Andreil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: “I’ve seen the way you look at me when you think I don’t notice.”
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted May 16, 2017 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

Sunlight sprawls lazily through the half-drawn window blinds, catching on Neil’s hair and turning it to sunset and fire. Andrew props himself up on his elbow to watch the spill of curls tickling Neil’s cheek, the gentle fluttering of his eyelashes, the way his body curves toward Andrew in sleep but not touching. Andrew’s chest aches in want of him and he closes his eyes against it, laying back against the pillows and turning his eyes away. He itches for a cigarette, and to touch Neil, but instead he reaches for the book he’d left on his nightstand.

It’s another twenty minutes before Neil wakes, breath catching on a sound almost like a snore but not. He’s not even fully awake before he’s mumbling, “good morning” and tilting his head up like he wants a kiss.

Andrew ignores him, pretends like he’s read more than the same six sentences over and over for the last twenty minutes.

Neil doesn’t seem to mind. He just hums and presses his face back into the warmth of his pillows. There’s a drool spot in the corner that Andrew finds more endearing than disgusting. “What are we doing today?” Neil asks after a long minute.

Andrew dog ears the corner of his page and sets his book back on the nightstand. “Nothing,” Andrew says and then at Neil’s grin adds, “shut up.”

“We could stay here,” Neil says, “all day. We don’t even have to move from bed.”

Andrew shifts down further into the sheets until they’re face to face. “I know you,” Andrew says, “you can’t be still for more than five minutes.”

“Is that a challenge?” Neil asks. He’s more awake now, playful and bright in a way he’s still learning how to be. Andrew wants to smother him with a pillow, or with his mouth.

Andrew’s eyes flicker down to Neil’s mouth instinctively and then back up to his eyes. “No,” He says.

Neil hums, staring blatantly at Andrew’s mouth. “Can I have a kiss?” He asks. He looks smug, like he knows the answer is already a firm  _yes_ , like he knows Andrew can’t resist. It’s unbearable.

“You have morning breath.” Andrew says.

“So do you.”

Andrew covers Neil’s eyes with his hand and his mouth with his own, swallowing down the little pleased noise that bubbles up from the back of Neil’s throat. When Andrew pulls back he lets his hand fall away, raising an unimpressed eyebrow at the smug pull of Neil’s lips. He resists the urge to kiss him again.

“Staring,” Andrew says.

“ _Staring_ ,” Neil mocks, “I’ve seen the way you look at me when you think I don’t notice.” 

Andrew’s heart trips traitorously in his chest, “Shut up.” 

Neil mimes zipping his lips and Andrew thinks  _‘damn this boy’_ before he’s leaning in to kiss him again. 


	34. Page 33: “Is there a reason you’re naked in my bed?” (Andreil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: “Is there a reason you’re naked in my bed?”
> 
> Warnings: character is naked but there is no sex
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted May 21, 2018 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

Andrew opened the door, nudging his cat Sir away with his foot as he stepped inside. Sir made a pathetic noise, trying to fight his way past Andrew’s foot to get outside. “No,” Andrew said with a huff, “fuck off.” He shut the door and Sir cried, winding his way around Andrew’s feet. Andrew dropped his gym bag by the door and bent down to scratch behind Sir’s ear. “Pest,” He muttered.

Sir chirped happily and bounded away. Andrew picked his bag back up and his jaw clenched as he noticed the pair of running shoes sitting near the door. He jerked his head up and his eyes fell on the tuft of white lounging across the back of his couch, half hidden under a curtain. He placed his bag in the hall closet and went to investigate, peeling the curtain back to reveal Neil’s cat King napping in the afternoon sun. “Not one but three pests in my house,” Andrew said, pulling gently on King’s tail.

He let the curtain fall back over her and made his way to his bedroom, throwing open the closed door. The first thing that caught his attention was the pair of jeans next to the bedroom door, then a trail of clothes consisting of a hoodie, an undershirt, a pair of boxer briefs, and Neil’s binder ending at the side of the bed. Andrew let his eyes fall on Neil last, gloriously naked and spread out against the soft down of Andrew’s comforter. 

“Hi,” Neil said, mouth split open in a smile.

“Is there a reason you’re naked in my bed?” Andrew asked.

A flicker of doubt shadowed Neil’s face briefly, “Is it a no?”

Andrew sighed, perturbed, and took the few steps across the room to his bed, cupping Neil’s face in his hands. “I didn’t say no,” Andrew said, “I asked for a reason.”

“Mm,” Neil’s eyes focused on Andrew’s lips before dragging up to his eyes, “I had a free weekend so I flew up. You weren’t home yet so I thought I’d give you a present.”

“What makes you think you’d be a good present?” Andrew asked, but bent down to kiss Neil, filing away the little moan Neil made for later. “I can’t stand you,” Andrew said.

Neil huffed out a breath against Andrew’s mouth, “Don’t stand then.”

“Shut up,” Andrew hissed, and dragged Neil’s mouth back to his. 


	35. Page 34: Andreil + adopting twins (Andreil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt:Okay so a while ago you wrote a small HC on Andrew getting into an accident and having his leg from the knee down amputated, IF U WANT TOO CAN U PLZ WRITE MORE (but honestly only if you wanna)
> 
> Prompt: Andrew and Neil decide to adopt one (1) child, but while there Andrew sees a pair of twins and he just knows he can’t leave one of them 
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Aug 17, 2018 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

the day after they buried their third cat, prince fluffkins ii, neil said he wanted to adopt a child. “i think we could do it,” neil said, “if you want to.”

“you’ve thought about this,” andrew said, not a question.

neil ran a hand roughly through his hair, a nervous tick he’d picked up from kevin. he sighed after a stroke of silence, “for a while,” he admitted.

“how long?”

“a year.”

a year ago andrew had still been bound to a hospital bed, learning to walk again after a car accident that had mangled his left leg badly enough to warrant an amputation. a year ago neil had clung to andrew’s hand and said “we’ll figure this out together.” at some point during all that mess - andrew’s temper flares and phantom pains and the medical bills and new prosthetics and rehab - and thought he might want to add a child to the mix.

“good timing,” andrew said. the note of cynicism was not lost to neil judging by the torn look that fell over his face.

neil shrugged.

“this is something you want,” andrew said.

neil shrugged again. he turned his face to try and hide from andrew, likely vulnerable or embarrassed. andrew caught his burned cheek and dug his fingers hard into the whorled scars until neil was forced to face him again. 

“ask me,” andrew said. he could feel the nervous tap of neil’s pulse against his fingers.  _tap taptap taptap taptap_. his pointer finger  _taptap_ -ed along with it.

“will you adopt a child with me?” neil asked.

it was the same way neil had asked andrew to marry him. nervous, with andrew’s hand on his cheek forcing him to look, nervous for nothing when he should already know the answer. “yes,” andrew said.

the surprised look on neil’s face grated on his nerves. “yes?” neil asked.

“i won’t repeat myself,” andrew said, “i’m sure you’ve already started looking at homes.” 

“i wanted to wait for you,” neil said.

andrew used his grip on neil’s cheek to leverage himself upward for a kiss and didn’t bother to reprimand neil for the way he smiled into it.

two weeks later they were at a children’s home a three hour drive from their home in seattle. at their side chattered a woman with a clipboard and hair pulled up into a severe bun. she looked every bit like the stern owner of an orphanage from a movie. andrew half expected to see a half starved child with doe eyes holding out a bowl for more porridge just around the next corner.

“the children are in the rec hall at the moment,” the woman - nancy, if her name tag was to be trusted - said, “we only currently have five children available for adoption, three are waiting for their papers to be finalized and their parents to pick them up.”

this neil and andrew already knew, they’d spoken to the children’s home two days before so they could set up the meeting. 

nancy turned a corner and pushed open a large wooden door with a smiling sun and rainbow painted cartoonishly across its face. inside the rec room children screamed and chased each other, a game of tag led by one of the facility teachers. 

two boys sat off to the side and andrew felt his breath catch. from the moment he laid eyes on them he knew they were meant to be his. identical twins, no more than three years old with dark skin and steely eyes. they almost looked like dolls, sitting so still and calm on the ground and watching the other children play. 

“ah,” nancy said, noticing his line of sight, “jordan and joshua. they’re sweet boys, a little eerie at times, but sweet.” she looked down at her papers briefly, “it seems you’ve marked down that you only wish to adopt one child. if you only want one we can separate them, they’re young enough not to know.”

andrew clenched his jaw at that, anger spiraling its way up from his core like hot flame. he was sure tilda probably thought the same when she’d separated her twins at birth, but andrew had spent half his life knowing something sharp and splintered was missing from his soul in the shape of his aaron. out of the corner of his eye he saw neil’s jaw clench as well, anger on andrew’s behalf as usual.

“you’d separate siblings?” neil asked.

“we do what needs to be done,” nancy replied.

neil opened his mouth to reply but andrew cut him off at the pass, “no need, we want them both.”


	36. Page 35: Neil using endearments on the cats but Andrew thinks it’s directed at him (Andreil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Neil coming into the apartment saying, "Hi, honey/baby," in a really affectionate tone and Andrew has a mini heart attack bc where did THAT come from, but it turns out Neil was talking to one of the cats
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Aug 25, 2018 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

If Andrew was honest with himself, and he often was, he had missed having Neil around. Six weeks was a long fucking time to be apart now that they were so used to being together, and the cats pathetically crying and dragging themselves around the apartment hadn’t made things any easier on Andrew. Six weeks ago Neil had gone to France with Kevin and Jean, a getaway Andrew was supposed to go on as well but a well placed strike by an opposing backliner to his knee had shattered that plan to pieces. Neil had wanted to stay home and Andrew refused, instead Abby Winfield had flown herself from South Carolina to Washington to look after him while Neil was gone.

It had been six weeks of sticky summer heat and watching old game shows in relative silence while Abby made sure Andrew didn’t so much as think about putting any weight on his knee. The cats had made themselves a nuisance, walking around and meowing pitifully, checking to see if Neil had magically appeared by Andrew’s side while they weren’t looking. Andrew was content to ignore them, even if Abby made a sad clucking noise every time the damned things went to check the front door.

Abby had left around eight in the morning to catch her flight back to South Carolina, leaving behind a lasagna and at least three different types of pie in the fridge and a stern warning for Andrew to keep off his leg as much as possible until Neil got home. Andrew waved her off and listened to the door shut and lock click back into place.

He passed the time between Abby’s departure and Neil’s arrival with trashy reality tv, the volume turned down to a low murmur and his eyes flickering between the television and the clock on the wall.

If Andrew was honest with himself, he’d missed Neil an awful lot.

Andrew woke with a start to the sound of the front door opening and the cats crying and realized he had fallen asleep waiting for Neil to get home. The thought was disgustingly domestic but he shrugged the feeling away.

Neil’s voice followed the sounds of the door shutting, luggage being dropped, and a lock turning. “Oh, hello sweetheart.” Neil said. Andrew’s heart clenched, a mild panic because since when did Neil start using endearments? They had never been that kind of couple. Words like that tasted like ash on Andrew’s tongue. He’d thought it was like that for Neil too. 

Neil walked into the living room, holding Sir cradled in both arms against his chest. King wormed her way around Neil’s feet, mewing pitifully for his attention as well.

“Oh,” Andrew said. It sounded a little like a gut punch, the sound pulled from him unwillingly. Half relief and half disappointment. 

“Oh?” Neil asked, his lips turned up in the corners in amusement.

Andrew tried to think of a way to recover and came up blank. “You were talking to the cats,” He said blandly.

“Yes,” Neil said and then inhaled a sharp little breath, “Did you think-”

“No.”

“Andrew, I-”

“Welcome home, Neil,” Andrew said.

Neil opened his mouth, likely an argument forming on the tip of his tongue. Andrew moved his arms like he might push himself up off the couch to go shut Neil up himself and Neil shook his head. “Alright, fine, just-” Neil let go of Sir and made those last few steps back to Andrew’s side. “I’ll shut up, you sit down.”

“To think,” Andrew said, “all it takes to shut you up is me being grievously injured.”

“I’m sure there are less drastic ways to do that,” Neil said, bending down into Andrew’s space and smiling.

“If there are I haven’t found them,” Andrew said and brought a hand up to Neil’s neck, pulling him down to seal their lips together. 

Neil hummed happily and used one hand to balance himself against the couch, he other finding its way to Andrew’s jaw, scratching through the light stubble gathering there. 

“I missed you,” Neil breathed once he pulled away, pressing their foreheads together.

Andrew breathed in the scent of him, heavy cigarette smoke from his clothes and that damned cologne he was always borrowing from Kevin. “I missed you too,” Andrew said, eyes screwed shut.

Neil hummed happily and pressed his lips to Andrew’s forehead before pulling away. “I’ve got to put my luggage away. I’ll feed the cats and order something for dinner if you want to pick a movie.”

“Okay.” 

Andrew felt Neil shift out of his space and opened his eyes. Neil crouched down to pet King, scratching behind her ears and letting her paw at his jeans. “Alright sweetheart, let’s get you something to eat then.” He heard Neil say softly, likely not meaning for Andrew to hear.

As Andrew watched him walk away he had the vague thought that if Neil wanted to call him sweetheart, he probably wouldn’t mind all that much.


	37. Page 36:  [text] also, my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall. (Kandreil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: [text] Also, my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall.
> 
> Warnings: Kevin was drunk off screen
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted July 5, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

**Group chat [Andrew, Kevin, Neil]  
**  
KevinDay: What the hell happened last night?  
NeilAJosten: You don’t remember?  
A.Minyard: idiot.  
KevinDay: I just know I woke up this morning with two empty bottles of vodka on my nightstand  
KevinDay: My pants were no where to be found  
KevinDay: Also, my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall  
KevinDay: Seriously. it’s everywhere.  
NeilAJosten: Well the bottles of vodka are empty because you drank them both.  
NeilAJosten: You’re going to have liver failure by the time you’re thirty.  
A.Minyard: there’s also a dick drawn in sharpie on your lower back.  
KevinDay: Andrew what the fuck?  
A.Minyard: i didn’t put it there  
A.Minyard: neil did.  
NeilAJosten: It matches your personality.  
KevinDay: …  
NeilAJosten: And your pants are in the hamper  
NeilAJosten: You spilled vodka on them and wouldn’t stop complaining about your pants being wet  
KevinDay: So you took off my pants?  
A.Minyard: both of us have seen you naked, don’t be so uptight.  
NeilAJosten: But I honestly don’t know about the glitter.  
KevinDay: Andrew?  
A.Minyard: what?  
KevinDay: Why was my bed covered in glitter?  
A.Minyard: ??????  
KevinDay: Andrew seriously it’s everywhere.  
KevinDay: I’m just going to have to throw the sheets away.  
KevinDay: A hundred showers won’t get this shit off of me.  
A.Minyard: now you match your sparkling personality day.  
KevinDay: Both of you are the worst.


	38. Page 37:  “You’re like, five feet tall. how you gonna reach me, shortie?” (Kandreil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: “You’re like, five feet tall. How you gonna reach me, shortie?”
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted July 7, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

It starts because Andrew is an instigating little shit. Neil’s only been gone for two hours when Andrew gets bored and decides to hide Kevin’s laptop charger. Kevin, of course, is not amused but takes the prank in stride, taking the higher road of silence for about fifteen minutes. Andrew’s phone rings and it’s Neil on the other line saying “What the fuck Andrew, I’ve been gone for five minutes.” 

Andrew just raises an eyebrow at Kevin and retrieves his laptop cord and Kevin thinks he’s won.

The next morning Kevin wakes up and makes his usual healthy breakfast cereal and gags on the first bite. He glares at Andrew who’s leaning casually against the doorframe and says, “What the fuck did you do to the milk?”

Andrew shrugs but there’s a ghost of a smirk on his face.

It turns into chaos from there. Kevin replaces the coffee grounds with chocolate shavings that make a mess of the coffee machine. Andrew seran wraps the bottom of the dorm room door and Kevin trips over it. Kevin replaces all of Andrew’s ice cream with sherbet and frozen yogurt. Andrew puts temporary hair dye in Kevin’s shampoo and turns his hair a brownish blond. 

But now Andrew’s arm bands are missing and this prank war might have gone a little too far.

“Where are they, Kevin?” Andrew growls, hands curling into fists at his sides.

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“I could choke the answers out of you.”

“You’re like, five feet tall. How you gonna reach me, shortie?”

“I’ve done it before Day, don’t test me.”

Kevin just grins and Andrew storms off, muttering under his breath. Five minutes later Kevin’s phone beeps with two text alerts from Neil. The first being “I can’t leave you two alone for longer than ten minutes without you trying to kill each other” and the second reading “Give Andrew his shit back before I get home or neither of us are going to practice for the rest of the summer.”

“They’re under Neil’s pillow.” Kevin calls out, pocketing his phone with a frown.

“That’s a shitty hiding spot.” Andrew says.

“And yet you still couldn’t find them.”

“Fuck off Day.”


	39. Page 38: Have you ever played spin the bottle? (The Foxes, +Andreil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: “I don’t think I’ve ever played spin the bottle.”
> 
> Warnings: Neil experiences some minor anxiety
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted on April 29, 2017 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

Neil still wasn’t fond of movie nights. He’d never really enjoyed movies of any kind, however he did like getting his family together all in one room and just getting to sit with them all for a while. Honestly, he wasn’t even sure what movie they were watching, only that it had a scene where a bunch of teenagers spun a beer bottle and kissed each other a lot. It was a good way to end up with mono, Neil thought, though he decided to keep that thought to himself.

“Neil,” Allison said from her perch on the chair, “have you ever played spin the bottle?” 

Allison’s new favorite game was watching movies with Neil and asking if he’d done ‘x-thing’ that a character in the movie had done. So far she’d asked if he’d ever run away from home (yes), been kissed in the rain (yes), gone to a carnival (no), been on vacation (no), and smoked marijuana (yes and his mom had been pissed). 

Neil thought for a second and shook his head, “I don’t think I’ve ever played spin the bottle.”

Allison smiled, that slick little smile she got when she was thinking of a plan.

Andrew placed a hand on Neil’s knee and locked eyes with Allison. She stared back, challenging, and the room grew tense and quiet.

Renee turned her head and looked up at Neil from her position on the floor in front of Andrew, “Neil, would you ever be interested in playing?” She asked sweetly.

Andrew broke his staring contest with Allison to frown down at Renee.

Neil trusted his family, and he loved them, but the thought of kissing them for a fun game was still a little too much. Kissing Andrew was even too much sometimes, on bad days when the past was pressing into him and he could still feel the weight of his mother’s heavy hands and words. Wordlessly, he shook his head.

Renee looked over at Allison who sighed dramatically. “Fine,” Allison said, “but we are going to have to get you to play some party games.”

“You’re just upset you’ve found the one boy that doesn’t want to kiss you Allison.” Matt said teasingly.

Allison just shrugged and turned her attention back to the movie.

Neil relaxed back into the couch cushions and rested his hand on top of Andrew’s, giving it a little squeeze. “One of these days you’re going to have to stop being so tragic,” Andrew said.

Neil huffed out a little laugh and tucked up closer to Andrew’s side.


	40. Page 39: heat goes out in fox tower (The Foxes, +Andreil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: None 
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Oct 5, 2018 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

The winters in South Carolina aren’t the blistering cold and snow that Neil is used to from growing up along the east coast. That being said, when the central heating in Fox Tower goes out one winter night, the wind howling outside and sleet beating it’s way across the windows, it’s enough to wake Neil up shivering. Andrew, California born and bred, is already a massive blanket lump on the bottom bunk, a hoodie sleeve poking out from under the covers is all Neil can see of him as he climbs down from his bunk to pull on a sweatshirt and some socks to combat the cold. 

It’s barely 10pm, one of the rare nights they decide to turn in early instead of staying up for late practice at the Foxhole Court. Kevin is still awake, light shining from the living room through the crack under the bedroom door. The door creaks open a few seconds later, Kevin sticking his surly face through the door. “Hey,” He says softly, seeing Neil still awake but trying not to wake Andrew, “Coach says maintenance is having trouble with the heating units so the heat may be out for the next couple of days. Boyd proposed a sleepover in the girls dorm, Renee and Allison both have space heaters.”

It’s a tempting idea. Neil remembers vividly the year before, coming back from Baltimore and being tugged into the center of a fox pile, feeling safe and warm and home for the first time in years. “Maybe,” Neil says, “I’ll ask Andrew.” 

Kevin nods and lets the door shut with a soft click as he shuffles back into the living room.

Neil pulls on a sweatshirt, one of Andrew’s shamelessly pilfered from his side of the closet, and a pair of socks Renee had bought him for Christmas adorned with little fox faces. He goes back to the bunk beds and stands next to the ladder. “Andrew,” Neil says, “I have a question.”

Andrew grunts from beneath his blanket mound. Something resembling the phrase  _‘fuck off’_  is heard.

Neil’s lips twitch into a vague shape of a smile. “I will when you answer my question.”

Andrew tugs the blankets away from his face. His hair is rumpled and pillow lines crease his cheek, his eyes bleary from sleep. Neil’s heart tugs painfully at his chest. He struggles for a second to remember why he woke Andrew up. “What?” Andrew bites out, sounding pissed off and still half asleep.

“Matt invited us all to stay in the girls room for tonight. Coach said the heat will probably be out for a couple more days and Renee and Allison have space heaters.” Neil says and at Andrew’s sour expression adds, “If you don’t want to go I can see about borrowing Renee’s to leave in here with you.”

Andrew closes his eyes and huffs out a put upon sigh before opening his eyes and leveling his stare on Neil’s face. “Are you going?”

Neil shrugs.

Andrew grunts and starts shucking the blankets off of him using his feet. “I’m only doing this because I want coffee in the morning,” He says, “The good kind that Dan uses.”

Neil bites down on a grin and says, “of course.” Neil reaches up on his tip toes to grab his blanket from the top bunk and one of his pillows. Andrew follows behind with his own blanket and pillow. 

Kevin is still in the living room when they open the bedroom door, blanket tucked around himself and headphones in watching an old USC and Penn State game. Andrew gets Kevin’s attention by throwing his pillow at him. The pillow smacks his laptop and his side before falling uselessly to the floor. Kevin looks up, startled and takes out an earbud. 

“Give me my pillow back and go get your shit, we’re changing rooms.” Andrew says. 

Kevin shuts his laptop and throws Andrew’s pillow back at him, going into the bedroom to change into his sleep clothes and get his own pillow and blanket. When Kevin emerges from the bedroom in a pair of USC flannel pants and a Foxes sweatshirt Neil snorts. Kevin gives him a dark look, as if daring him to say something.

Andrew turns away from the two of them and leaves the dorm without waiting for them to follow. Neil takes his keys from the hook and locks the dorm behind them before following after Andrew and Kevin.

Andrew bangs on the door to the girls room with his foot until Matt jerks the door open with, “Chill out, Andrew.” 

Andrew brushes past Matt to Renee who is already snuggled up in her own blankets near on of the space heaters. She smiles warmly up at him and says, “Hello Andrew.”

“Mm.” Andrew tosses his pillow down next to hers and sits, wrapping his blanket around himself.

Neil leaves Kevin with Matt who immediately starts teasing Kevin about his sleepwear to put his pillow next to Andrew’s. 

Renee turns her smile to Neil, “Hello Neil.”

“Hey,” Neil says, dropping down next to Andrew, “these space heaters feel nice.”

“They do,” Renee agrees, “we are fortunate to have them. Allison has had one for years, but Stephanie bought me this one just last Christmas. I had hoped to never have to use it, but I am glad to have it.”

Neil doesn’t know what to say to that so he just nods and then turns back to watch Kevin dump his pillow next to Dan and Allison. Nicky comes in next, Nicky sporting a full body kigurumi Erik had gotten him for his last birthday.

“Neil!” Nicky cries, the high flush on his cheeks warns that Nicky is a least a little drunk, “You came! And you brought Andrew and Kevin!”

“Hi Nicky,” Neil says.

Nicky holds a hand to his heart before blowing a little kiss at Neil. 

Andrew slumps his body against Neil’s deliberating, grabbing Neil’s attention away from his cousin. Neil hums and drops a kiss into Andrew’s hair. “Nicky’s been drinking,” Neil murmurs.

“No excuse,” Andrew replies.

“Most of them have,” Renee says softly, “Though I will admit that Nicky drank a little more than the others. I think he and Erik got into a little spat over Skype, or at least that’s what Aaron heard.”

Andrew doesn’t reply, watching his cousin with half lidded eyes. 

The conversation around the room rises and falls as everyone finds a spot on the floor. Dan dumps a mountain of pillows in the center of them all and Andrew makes a grab for an extra pillow. The freshmen pile their way into the room last, lead by Aaron and Katelyn. 

Aaron and Andrew make eye contact but say nothing to each other, though Aaron does throw his pillow down somewhere in Andrew’s vicinity. Andrew says nothing to Katelyn, either, as she lays down her blanket next to Aaron’s. 

Neil finds Andrew’s hand under his blanket and squeezes and then smiles when Andrew squeezes back. 

“Reminds me of last year,” Matt says as he shuts the door to the dorm and drops down next to Dan.

“Mm,” Allison hums, “this is nicer. Less injuries.”

“Um?” One of their freshmen backliners, Leslie, looks at Allison with an expression of alarmed confusion.

“Sh, sh, sh,” Nicky says, flapping a hand at Allison, “there are children in the room.”

“Are we ever going to hear that story?” The freshman goalie, Hayley, asks.

“No,” the upperclassmen reply in unison.

The freshmen exchange glances before shrugging and snuggling down into their blankets. Dan gets up to turn off the lights but plugs in a string of Christmas lights around the window, despite the fact that it was well into January. 

“Okay, shut up,” Dan says, draping herself back across Matt and letting him tug a blanket around her, “it’s bedtime now.”

A couple people giggle and continue to whisper, but mostly the room goes quiet. Neil lays his head down next to Andrew’s and whispers, “I like this.”

“Of course you do,” Andrew mumbles. “Sentimental.”

Neil huffs a breath of a laugh and Andrew’s hand comes up from under a layer of blanket to rest over Neil’s eyes.

“Shut up,” Andrew says. “Go to sleep.”

And here, surrounded by family and warmth, Neil does.


	41. Page 40: Here Kitty, Kitty (Brotp: Allison/Kevin)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Creation event (Brotps)
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted on Aug 2, 2017 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

“Here kitty, kitty,” Allison cooed from outside the monsters’ dorm room.

“This is stupid,” Kevin said from the other side, voice muffled behind the closed door.

“A bet is a bet Kevin Day, now open the door.” Allison replied.

There was grumbling and a not insignificant amount of swearing before Kevin opened the door. Perched on top of his perfectly styled black hair was a pair of black cat ears. Allison had relented enough to let him wear his own shirt, but instead of jeans Kevin wore a black skirt that ended just above the knee and a pair of heeled boots that rose to his mid-calf. Allison was pleased to note that he’d shaved his legs.

Kevin crossed his arms in front of his chest, an angry flush on his cheeks. “This is ridiculous. If the press gets ahold of this-”

“Then you’ll shake it off like you have every other day of your life,” Allison finished, “Deal with it, Day.”

“I hate you,” Kevin said.

“You love me.” Allison replied. She pulled out her phone and took a picture, but didn’t upload it to instagram. She sent it to the Foxes group chat instead. Both Allison and Kevin’s phones vibrated and pinged with immediate responses. 

“You’re the worst,” Kevin said.

Allison shrugged and turned, “Let’s go Day, we don’t have all day.”

“I’m not going to the mall dressed like this,” Kevin said.

“Of course not,” Allison said, “You’re taking me to the movies.”

“No.” 

“And possibly dinner.”

“Definitely not.”

“Definitely ice cream afterward, no negotiations on that.”

Kevin made to turn around and walk back to his dorm, but Allison grabbed him by the arm and hooked her arm with his. “Come on Day, a deal is a deal.” She sounded firm but the way she squeezed his arm was reassuring. Allison would not let him out of this, but she wouldn’t be too hard on him either.

Kevin sighed, sounding put out but nodded and they walked arm in arm to the elevator.


	42. Page 41: Neil and Matt go on a date (Brotp: Matt/Neil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Brosten hanging out together
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Sept 20, 2017 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

“It’s not a date,” Neil said from his spot perched on top of Andrew’s desk. He had his phone in one hand, his other he let run through his hair, absently untangling a knot since he refused to brush it.

Andrew didn’t look up from the video game he had playing on screen. “He’s taking you to dinner and a movie. That’s a date.”

“Well, maybe if you ever took me on a real date I’d know the difference.” Neil said teasingly.

Andrew just grunted in reply and turned the volume up on the tv. 

Neil rolled his eyes and looked down at his phone when it vibrated in his hand.  _U ready?_  appeared on the small screen and Neil typed back a “yes”. He heard a door shut down the hall a few seconds later and then a short knock on their door. It was only a play at politeness because Matt opened the door a second later before Neil could even get off the desk to open the door for him.

Matt grinned, zeroing in on Neil, “What are you doing up on the desk?”

“He likes to be tall.” Andrew replied dryly.

Matt laughed shortly and Neil huffed, hopping down from the desk and smoothing down his shirt. 

“I’ll be back later,” Neil said, walking over to Andrew.

“I don’t care,” Andrew said, but tilted his head up to allow Neil to kiss him.

“Don’t worry, I’ll have him back before ten.” Matt said with a grin.

Andrew pushed Neil away from him and didn’t bother acknowledging Matt. He turned back to the tv, shoulders relaxed and face unbothered. Neil resisted the urge to kiss the top of Andrew’s head and headed out the door with Matt.

Matt popped by the girl’s dorm to let them know he was leaving as they passed and Neil heard Dan yell “have a fun date!” Matt laughed, all bright and full of happiness and Neil couldn’t suppress the small smile it brought to his own lips.

“So,” Matt said as he pushed to button to call the elevator, “how are things going with you and Andrew?”

“Fine,” Neil replied and Matt gave him an unimpressed look. “Good, I think,” Neil said, “I’ve never been in a relationship before, I guess I’m just kind of making it up as we go along.”

“I can’t believe we never picked up on it,” Matt said. The elevator dinged and the doors opened. Matt put a hand out to keep the doors from closing and let Neil on first, stepping in behind him. He pressed the button for the ground floor and the doors shut.

Neil kept his eyes forward, focusing on their reflections. He remembered how Wymack had known about Andrew’s interest before any of them, before even he himself had caught on. “Coach did,” Neil said.

“Yeah, what’s up with that?” Matt asked.

Neil thought about it for long enough that they made it to the ground floor. The doors opened and Neil said, “Andrew trusted him, and Coach is good at reading people.”

Matt hummed in thought before changing the subject, “Where do you want to go eat?”

“Anywhere’s fine,” Neil said.

Matt gave a long suffering sigh. They quickly crossed the parking lot to Matt’s truck and Neil crossed over to the passenger side. He hauled himself up into the passenger seat, annoyed with how high off the ground his truck was and the fact Matt hadn’t invested in a running board didn’t make it any easier. 

“Shut up,” Neil said crossly at the grin on Matt’s face when he finally got settled.

Matt just shook his head and started up the truck. He drove them off campus a few miles, taking back roads instead of the interstate. Neil turned the music up as they drove, windows rolled down and sun starting to set in the west turning the sky into a pool of pink and orange hues. Matt sang along to the music, loud and unashamed.

Every one of the foxes were a force of nature, Neil thought. He couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have found them.

Matt finally turned off into the parking lot of a small buffet style restaurant where the hostess and the server both greeted Matt by name. Matt explained that he brought Dan here all the time, especially when they had first started dating. The food was great and their server was a woman in her late forties who didn’t once stare at Neil’s face or his hands. 

Neil ate two plates of food and Matt had four plus an extra desert plate. Matt had to persuade Neil into getting a piece of pie and when Neil protested that he was full Matt simply shrugged and offered Neil a bite of his own pie.

“Come on, it’s the best peach pie that you can get outside of Georgia,” Matt said, “you love peaches.”

Neil did. It was a fact Matt had discovered during the summer when the four of them- Matt, Dan, Neil, and Andrew- had met at a farmer’s market in Columbia. Neil finally gave in and stole the fork from Matt. Neil groaned softly, closing his eyes. 

“We’ll get a piece for you to go,” Matt said.

“Get me the whole damn pie,” Neil said, licking the crumbs off the fork.

Matt lit up like the sun, fierce and vibrant. He called their waitress over and she boxed them up a pie from the kitchen, and then boxed up a chocolate chess pie for Andrew under Neil’s request. 

By the time they left the restaurant the sun had gone down completely and Neil shivered a bit at the cold. Winter was rolling in quickly, the temperature at night plummeting day by day. Matt stored their pies in a cooler in the back seat and drug out a jacket for Neil, tossing it into his lap.

“You don’t have to-”

“Andrew will kill me if I let you get a cold. Don’t worry about it.”

The jacket was comically large on Neil, he had to roll up the sleeves four times just to let his hands free, but it was warm and smelled like the cologne Matt favored so he didn’t argue. 

Matt pointed them in the direction of the movie theater and Neil joined him in singing along to the radio when songs he knew came on. It felt different being around Matt than around Andrew, Neil mused, but a good kind of different. Matt was family, like the brother Neil had never gotten and somehow he knew Matt felt the same. Neil felt free.

They whipped into the parking lot for the movie theater and Neil hopped out of the truck, still wrapped in Matt’s jacket. Matt lead him over to the ticket booth and paid for their tickets. Inside at the concession stand Matt bought a popcorn even though they’d just eaten and got them both a drink. 

“I can pay,” Neil said, reaching into his pocket for his wallet.

“What? And rob me off all the fun and joy of seeing your face light up?” Matt said, “Put your damn money away Josten I’ve got this.”

Neil frowned but put his wallet away, “I’m paying next time.”

Matt laughed, “Okay fine.” He tossed Neil his bottled water and grabbed his own soda and popcorn and led them down the hall into the theater.

Neil had never been into movies like Matt was but the story had just enough action to keep his attention. Matt sometimes mumbled comments under his breath and Neil had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself from laughing.

When the credits started rolling Matt made Neil stay seated until after the credits because of a “secret scene” at the end. Neil didn’t really care but he stayed seated until after the short scene was over and the lights in the theater all came back on.

They threw away their empty containers in the trash and walked out of the theater. Matt ran a hand through his hair, “Damn that was a good movie.”

“Yeah,” Neil said. He hadn’t been able to follow most of it because it was the sequel to a movie he hadn’t scene, but there were explosions and plenty of fight scenes and fast cars to hold his attention.

Matt looked at his watch and unlocked his truck, pretending not to see Neil flailing to climb up into the cab. He waited until Neil was settled before saying, “This was fun. We should do this again.”

“Yeah,” Neil said again and his lips lifted at the look Matt gave him.

The drive back to campus wasn’t a long one and before Neil knew it they were pulling up at Fox Tower. Matt parked and pulled their pies out of the cooler while Neil climbed out of the passenger seat. They made their way to the front door and Neil held up his wallet to the sensor and the doors clicked unlocked for them. 

They rode the elevator in comfortable silence and Matt walked Neil to his dorm. Neil unlocked the door and stepped inside. Andrew was still where Neil had left him, watching tv, but he had his psychology textbook in his lap and papers on the floor in front of him. Andrew didn’t look up or greet them but Neil wasn’t surprised. “We’re back,” Neil said, “I brought you back a pie.”

“Good to know you’re not entirely useless,” Andrew said blandly, highlighting a sentence in his textbook.

“Is that how he flirts?” Matt asked, bringing the pies into the kitchen and storing them in the fridge.

“Usually,” Neil replied and a surprised laugh bubbled past his lips when he felt a pen cap hit his cheek.

“Gross,” Matt said affectionately, “I’m leaving. Let you and your man have some private time since I stole you for the night.”

“You didn’t steal me,” Neil said, “I like spending time with you.”

The look that flew across Matt’s face was shocked and touched at once. Matt smiled, a private and handsome thing, and ruffled Neil’s hair. “Yeah, I like spending time with you too. Good night, Neil.”

“Night Matt,” Neil said.

Matt said good night to Andrew as well before he left and Andrew grunted something that might have been a reply before the door closed. Neil walked into the living room to sit on the floor beside Andrew. Neil’s head was close to Andrew’s thigh but wasn’t touching it. He was only a little surprised when he felt Andrew’s hand on the side of his head, pulling him closer so he could rest his head against Andrew’s leg. Neil wrapped a hand around Andrew’s ankle. “Okay?” He asked.

“Yes,” Andrew replied.

Neil hummed and closed his eyes. Andrew’s hand ran through his hair a couple of times before returning to his homework. Neil sighed, a happy and content sound. “Okay?” Andrew asked. He didn’t sound particularly interested but the fact he was asking at all meant something.

“Yes,” Neil said, “I’m good.” 

And he was.


	43. Page 42: What does it take to become a galaxy? (Neil-centric)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompts: None
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Sept 7, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

What does it take to become a galaxy? 

An explosion. A single moment of becoming. The birth of stars, of planets, of suns. There is an agony in creation, pain when something exists where it has not before. Splashes of light across a black back drop, points of light that die and decay seconds after they are born. Swirls of reds, of golds, of blues, pinks, purples, and greens. It is everything where there should be nothing. 

Creation. Birth. Life. Death.

It’s bruises and pain. It’s scarring and wounds torn wide open. It’s a tickle of a breath upon the brow of the infinite universe. 

There is a galaxy inside of Neil Josten, born of his own stubbornness and pain. For a long time he was a vast, open cavern of want and sorrow. The universe had shaped him into void, and that was what he had resigned himself to be. 

_Stay._

Stars bloomed beneath his skin in tentative pricks of light. A key. A car. A man. A court. And Andrew’s lips on his, Neil’s hand curled into the sleeve of his coat. And then the galaxy exploded into being.

Reality was this. Reality was Neil Josten going to his death, trying to smother the embers of dying stars in his belly. Reality was knowing that every birth has a death, he had just wanted to exist a little longer. Reality was the resignation that he’d never meant to be a galaxy, only the void that swallowed other stars.

Creation is blinding pain, an excruciating mess of blood and gun powder. It is smeared across the walls of a darkened basement and smells like burning flesh. It feels like aching cuts and blooms of violet bruises. 

It is Andrew Minyard’s hand on the back of his neck, pulling him to the ground and telling him to stay. Stars die out and are reborn and Neil is full of their light, so full it radiates outward.

This is becoming.


	44. Page 43: Kevin carrying Neil piggyback (Brotp: Kevineil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: None
> 
> Warnings: Neil was injured off screen
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted July 3, 2017 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

“You are a disaster child,” Kevin grumbles, shifting Neil’s weight on his back to a less uncomfortable spot.

“You’re one to talk,” Neil replies, hands tightening on Kevin’s shoulders.

“I’m not the one that rolled my ankle,” Kevin says, shouldering past a tree branch and letting it slap lightly at the back of Neil’s head.

Neil concedes that maybe Kevin has a point, after all they were less than two miles into their eight mile trek when Neil slipped off the side of the trail and rolled his ankle bad enough that putting weight on it made him hiss. He’d tried to stumble along regardless, keeping that little hiss to himself, but Kevin just gave him a dark look and crouched in front of him.

So now Kevin was carrying him back to camp, piggy-back style, both of them slightly miffed at the indignity of it all. “I’m putting you down before we get back to the cabin,” Kevin says after a long stretch of silence only broken by the crunch of leaves underfoot and rustling in the trees, “You can hobble back with your pride still mostly in tact.”

“I don’t think it’s  _my_  pride that’s been wounded,” Neil says and digs his fingers in when Kevin shifts like he’s going to drop Neil. He doesn’t, because for all this rough edges Kevin Day is still unmistakably soft.

Unfortunately they don’t get a chance to pretend like Kevin didn’t carry Neil all the way back to camp, because Nicky comes barreling through the trees like a bat out of hell. Nicky opens his mouth to greet them then stops, wide-eyed and gaping at the absurdity, before bursting into laughter.

“Oh my  _god_ , Neil,” Nicky wheezes, “What did you do?” He raises his phone to snap a few pictures and Kevin lunges for it. The quick movement almost makes him drop Neil so Kevin stops and readjusts Neil’s weight making Nicky laugh even harder.

“Weren’t you running from something?” Neil asks and Nicky throws a look over his shoulder.

“Oh right, listen, don’t tell Allison I’m here.” Nicky says quickly.

“Allison!” Neil calls immediately, “I found Nicky!”

Nicky curses and sprints away, Allison tearing through the trees just moments later, wine stains drying on what must be a very expensive white dress. “Which way?” She asks.

Kevin throws a thumb in Nicky’s vague direction and Allison narrows her eyes at them. 

“We’re talking about this later,” She says, gesturing to the two of them before taking off again in Nicky’s direction.

Kevin groans softly and keeps walking, only setting Neil down when the cabin is in view. Neil makes an awkward show of clambering off of Kevin’s back, but doesn’t take Kevin’s arm as he stumbles his way back to the front door. “Disaster,” Kevin mumbles once more, but follows him.


	45. Page 44: “Explain it to me again - why do we need to pretend to be married?” (Brotp: Nicky/Neil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: “Explain it to me again - why do we need to pretend to be married?
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Aug 5, 2017 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

“Explain it to me again -  _why_  do we need to pretend to be married?” Neil asked, raising an eyebrow.

“ _Because_  Neil, I told Bryan that I was married and he doesn’t believe me and Erik isn’t around to really prove him wrong and Bryan won’t leave me alone,” Nicky replied, “And Bryan knows Matt and Kevin, Andrew and Aaron are my cousins, you’re my only option.”

“Oh, thanks,” Neil said sarcastically.

Nicky smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. 

“So what,” Neil said, “You need me to hold your hand when we go see this Bryan guy?”

“That would be a start.”

“I’m not kissing you Nicky.”

Nicky laughed, “God no, Andrew would kill me.”

“ _I_  would kill you,” Neil said and then sighed, “Alright, let’s do this then.”

“Really?” Nicky asked, eyes widening.

“Sure,” Neil replied, “What are friends for.”

Nicky cupped a hand over his mouth, eyes looking a little wet from holding back sudden tears, “Oh Neil,” he said.

Neil shrugged, “Come on then, husband, let’s go.”


	46. Page 45: Neil has an asthma attack on the bus back from a game (The Foxes, +Andreil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: #i have to know what happens neil #has an attack as bad as the first one around the foxes
> 
> Warnings: Neil has an asthma attack
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Nov 3, 2017 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

The problem is complacency. The Foxes make Neil feel safe, like nothing can touch him as long as he has a number 10 on his back and his team at his side. He gets too used to the safety of his inhaler in the center console of the Maserati and his spare in Dan’s bag that when he forgets his inhaler after a game. A year ago he wouldn’t have. A year ago he never would have let his inhaler out of his sight, but a year is long enough to allow him to become complacent. 

The game had been long and difficult and Neil’s chest had started to tighten during the last half, a feeling he ignored in favor of the rush of blood in his ears and feel of a racquet in his hand. He ignored it when the game ended on a 7-4 Fox victory and he left to shower. He ignored it while they boarded the bus and Wymack steered them out of the parking lot and toward the Interstate.

“Neil,” Andrew said, and Neil’s controlled breathing hitched a little.

“I’m fine,” Neil said tightly.

“Use your damn inhaler,” Andrew said.

Neil ignored Andrew’s pointed stare for a long minute before sighing and digging into his bag. Neil dug past his clothes and phone and wallet twice before starting to pull everything out of his bag. His chest tightened further as panic started to settle in. He ignored Andrew’s stare as his breath started coming in little gasps. Neil tried to take deep breaths and calm down, but every breath was starting to wheeze and it stung to draw breath. “I don’t have it,” Neil said, “I forgot to put it back after last weekend.”

Andrew’s jaw tightened, his only outward sign of concern. “Just keep breathing, moron,” Andrew said and stood up.

Neil could hear the Upperclassmen at the front of the bus startle into silence when Andrew said, “I need Neil’s inhaler.” He couldn’t really hear the reply but then he heard Andrew say, “What do you mean you don’t have it?”

Neil sucked in a breath and coughed into his arm, his chest heaving with the force of it. He saw Matt stand and make his way to the back of the bus, stopping at the seat in front of him. “Dan’s getting an inhaler from Abby,” Matt said, “We forgot to grab her bag this morning. You okay?”

“Of course he’s not okay,” Kevin said, now standing behind Matt, “He sounds like he can hardly breath.”

Neil gave Kevin a look that said  _‘not helping’_  and focused on taking short controlled breaths through his nose and out through his mouth. It barely helped and he clenched his jaw. Panic always made it worse so he closed his eyes and tried not to think about how tight his chest was and the coughs that tore past his throat without his say so. He heard Abby make a shoo-ing noise and her calm voice say, “My bag is under the bus, Neil. David is pulling over so I can get it out alright? You’re doing fine, just keep breathing.”

Neil wanted to snap back at her but didn’t say anything. His hands clenched into fists at his thighs and soon he felt the bus slow to a stop. Abby left and came back with an inhaler, pressing it to his lips for him. Neil took two puffs from it and after a long minute felt the pressure in his chest ebb just a little. 

“Give it a minute,” Abby said.

Neil opened his eyes and slowed his breathing, taking longer and deeper breaths as the moments passed. “Thank you,” Neil said when he had the breath for it. 

“Can you come sit at the front of the bus with me?” Abby said, “I’m going to need to you take a breathing treatment too.”

Neil groaned but nodded. He stood up and was suddenly aware of the crowd that had gathered near his seat. “I’m not dying,” Neil said, annoyed.

“We thought you might be,” The freshman backliner, Amelia, said.

Neil let his eyes find Andrew who was sitting at the front of the bus and putting the parts to his nebulizer together. Neil felt his chest ease and let out a sigh. “It was just an asthma attack.” He said.

“I’ve never heard you sound like that,” Nicky said, “and I don’t ever want to hear you sound like that again.”

“It feels as bad as it sounds,” Neil said dryly, pushing his way up to the front of the bus.

Kevin looked like he wanted to say something and amazingly thought better of it, letting Neil pass and then standing in the way so the others couldn’t crowd behind him. 

“Hey,” Wymack said as Neil sat down and Abby took the seat beside him, “Sit your asses down, we’re moving.” 

Everyone moved back to their seats, Matt putting a hand on Neil’s shoulder as he took the seat behind him. Andrew sat on the floor, handing Neil the mouth piece to his nebulizer. 

“You put in the right dose?” Aaron asked from his seat, peeking down the aisle.

Andrew flipped him off in response.

“Yes,” Abby said, “I told him how much to put in.”

“Thank you,” Neil said to Andrew this time, softer in tone and around the edges.

Andrew turned on his nebulizer in response and glared when Neil hesitated at putting the mouth piece in his mouth. Neil hated how shaky he got after a breathing treatment so he tried to avoid them when possible, but seated between Abby and Andrew he had no real say in the matter. Neil put the end in his mouth and breathed in the medicine, closing his eyes.

Neil startled a little at the feeling of a hand wrapping around his calf, but when he looked down Andrew wasn’t looking at him. Neil let a hand fall, not touching Andrew but hovering and waited for Andrew’s nod before burying his fingers in Andrew’s hair. 

They spent the rest of the ride like that, even after Neil had finished his breathing treatment and Abby said he could go to the back of the bus. Neil left himself at the front, exposed for his family to watch and Andrew to hold, and felt like complacency was a problem he was willing to have.


	47. Page 46: Things you said afer you kissed me (Renison)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: things you said after you kissed me
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Sept 12, 2017 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

It shouldn’t have been a surprise that it happened in the adrenaline after a win. Allison, triumphant and confident and invincible had thrown her arms around Renee’s shoulders and kissed her in front of their teams and thousands of screaming fans. Renee’s laugh bubbled into the kiss, her hands clutching hard and fast to Allison’s jersey and Allison kissed her harder. Entire years passed between them before Allison pulled away to say, “We did it.”

Renee’s answering smile was breathtaking, “Yes, we did.”

Dan’s hand, warm and rough without the cover of her gloves, landed on Allison’s shoulder. Her smile was wry and crooked, “Congrats you two.”

Allison tossed her head back in a laugh, bright and clear as sunshine. Renee blushed but grinned back at Dan, happiness rolling off the two girls in waves.

“About time!” Matt yelled from across the court.

“Get some!” Nicky called, laughing.

Renee pulled Allison closer, noses brushing. “We did it,” She said, just a little softer and a little more filled with awe.

“Finally,” Allison said, “We worked so hard for this.”

“I’m going to kiss you,” Renee said.

“You definitely should,” Allison said, closing the gap between the two of them, riding the high of a win well deserved and a heart full of love.


	48. Page 47: Things you said through your teeth (Kevineil)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Kevineil x things you said through your teeth
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Sept 12, 2017 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

“This is going to end poorly,” Kevin said, his lips pressed reverent to the soft skin of Neil’s neck.

“I’m not known for my good ideas,” Neil said, fingers buried in Kevin’s dark hair. He trailed a hand down to splay between Kevin’s shoulders, dragging his nails back up to make Kevin shiver.

Kevin hummed in agreement, biting down on Neil’s neck and worrying the skin between his teeth. He sucked a pretty trio of bruises up to the fragile skin behind Neil’s ear. Neil moaned his encouragement, his legs tightening where they were wrapped around Kevin’s waist. “You are too much,” Kevin said through clenched teeth, his hands digging bruises where they were clutching at Neil’s ribcage.

Neil grinned, happiness bubbling like champagne under his rubs, He felt full of it. “You like me,” Neil said, teasing and affirming all at once.

“God,” Kevin sagged, resting his full weight on top of Neil and letting him hold them up, “Shut up.”

Neil tugged on Kevin’s hair, pulling his head up with gentle guiding, “Make me.”

“That fucking mouth,” Kevin breathed, exasperated, before kissing Neil hard and heavy. His hands roamed up Neil’s bare torso, tracing along scars with familiar touches.

Neil hummed and nipped at Kevin’s bottom lip, tugging it between his teeth. “I like you like this,” Neil confessed, hands stroking up and down Kevin’s back.

“I like when you talk less,” Kevin replied, but his lips were pulled up in a rare smile that warmed Neil down to his toes.

“Hm,” Neil pressed his lips to Kevin’s check, just underneath his tattoo, “Better make me quiet then, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Kevin said, and kissed him again.


	49. Page 48: Some morning in the future (Jerejean)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: None
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Oct 10, 2017 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

There was something about California that felt like home. Jean woke slowly, taking the time to marvel at the sun creeping in through the open window and past the sheer white curtains. The morning breeze smelled like the ocean and Jean breathed it in, letting out a soft sigh as he stretched himself out. He let his eyes fall over the other body warming his bed. Jeremy’s skin was dark and his back was littered with freckles. Jean reached out to trace a cluster between his shoulder blades and repressed the urge to press his lips there. Jeremy was naked and beautiful, spread out on top of the sheets like a piece of art left just for him.

Jeremy shifted and sighed, turning his head to look at Jean with a sleepy smile. “Good morning,” He said.

Jean felt his breath catch in his chest, something warm and sticky caught between his ribs and god everything was beautiful and bright. “Good morning,” He echoed, trailing his fingers up to brush Jeremy’s cheek.

Jeremy hummed and nuzzled into the touch, still not quite awake. Jean loved him like this. “We should get up,” Jeremy breathed.

“Mm,” Jean moved closer and pressed their foreheads together, “We should, but we don’t have to.”

Jeremy’s lips stretched into a wide smile, something sweet and just for them, “We have chores.”

“We’ll do them tomorrow.”

“Jean-”

“Stay,” Jean breathed, nudging closer until their lips were barely a breath apart, “Stay right here, with me.”

“God,” Jeremy breathed. 

“Not quite,” Jean said and smiled.

Jeremy huffed out a laugh and brought their lips together. They kissed until their mouths were numb with it, until they could barely breathe past the light in their chests. “I adore you,” Jeremy said, it sounded like a secret.

Jean pressed their cheeks together and felt the flutter of Jeremy’s eyelashes on their skin. “I know,” He said. Outside he could hear the crashing of waves against the shore, the early morning calls of the birds. In here, with Jeremy, everything was still and nothing was urgent. Jean was safe, and he was home, and God himself would be hard pressed to pull him from this moment.


	50. Page 49: "Do you…well…i mean…i could give you a massage?” (Kandrew)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: kandrew + “Do you…well…I mean…I could give you a massage?”
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted June 2, 2018 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

Andrew’s shoulders were taught with tension, a warning to anyone around that he was at the very edge of his patience and the next person to step a toe out of line might end up with the edge of a blade pressed against their throat. The year’s Winter Formal had started out wonderfully abysmal with Neil getting into an argument with a Raven Backliner not even five minutes after stepping through the front door. Kevin was already halfway to shit-faced and well on his way to full alcoholic coma by the time the dinner even started. Aaron and Katelyn were fighting, their snide little comments wearing down even Renee’s chipper mood. Nicky had been in a mood as well, Erik was stuck in Germany for work and not able to come visit for Christmas. By the time the dinner ended and the Foxes were commanded by Wymack to dance -and not get into another fight this time-Andrew felt stretched thin and at the end of his temper.

Neil had wandered off with Matt, and Andrew almost felt the need to thank Boyd for taking Neil off his hands for a moment. Renee had pulled Allison and Dan off to dance, inviting Nicky along as the passed the table Andrew had sat his family at. Aaron had fucked off several minutes earlier, presumably to argue with Katelyn more or get his ass kicked by one of her friends. Andrew was keeping a weary eye in his brother’s direction, just in case.

“Hey,” Kevin murmured, too close to Andrew’s ear.

Andrew’s hand curled into a fist but he stopped himself from swinging. “If you’re close enough for me to smell the alcohol on your breath you’re too close Day,” He said.

Kevin leaned back in his seat and fiddled with the sleeve of his fitted charcoal suit jacket. He looked like he was properly sulking now. A child caught acting up by their parent. It did nothing to soothe the flare of Andrew’s anger, if anything it fanned the flame higher. He mumbled something under his breath and Andrew pretended not to hear him. 

Minutes ticked by in an awkward blanket of silence. Renee popped by to check on them, Nicky at her heels now wearing a blissful grin and firmly pulled out of his bad mood. Neil dropped by long enough to tell Kevin something in French before he was off again, being dragged along by Matt toward the girls.

Kevin left the table, giving Andrew a look like he wanted to explain but then snapping his mouth shut and wandering off. Andrew caught him making a bee line for the Trojans table where Jeremy Knox and Jean Moreau were seated. Andrew settled a little more firmly in his seat when Jeremy caught his eye and waved at him.

Aaron dropped back down at the table, filling the seat that Kevin abandoned. He and Andrew made eye contact but said nothing. Aaron looked down at his phone and started texting, neatly avoiding Andrew’s questioning stare. Neil made his way back over eventually, dropping into the chair in front of Andrew. Andrew flicked bits of confetti at him from off the table, priding himself every time one stuck to one of Neil’s curls. 

Neil made an annoyed sound and brushed his hair off with his fingers. “And you call me a pest,” He said.

“You are,” Andrew replied.

“Where’s Kevin?” 

Andrew jerked his head to indicate over his shoulder. Neil glanced over and hummed, “Good, I wasn’t sure if he’d go over there or not. I told him earlier he needed to talk to Jean.” 

“I don’t care,” Andrew said.

Neil gave him a look that said _‘liar’_  but he didn’t say the word out loud. He didn’t have to. Neil shrugged and sat back into his chair. 

Eventually Kevin wandered back over, dropping into the chair on Andrew’s other side and giving Aaron an annoyed look that Aaron firmly ignored. Kevin swept his eyes over Andrew and said, “You look tense.”

Andrew said nothing and the look he gave Kevin was chilly. 

“Do you…well…I mean…I could give you a massage?” Kevin said, “It’s not good for you to hold that much tension in your shoulders and neck.”

“No,” Andrew said and Kevin accepted the rebuke, nervously shaking his leg up at down. Andrew reached out and grabbed his knee to stop him. “Ask me again later.” He said, softer this time.

Kevin’s cheeks tinged a bit pink and he cleared his throat, “All right, later then.”


End file.
